Coming Out
23 August 2004
19563
Tangled Up In Green
Heather O’Malley
Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation and have no connection to this what so ever. This is used without their permission and includes a plea not to be sued as I have no money.
Rainy Day Women #9
“God I am such an idiot!” Shego chided herself as she walked on through the rain that was beating down. “That was the stupidest thing I have ever done. You know…gah…fuck this shit! Just…”
The rain was pulling her hair down across her face but she didn’t care enough to move it away. She didn’t care. It had taken weeks to get up the courage to do what she thought was right and Kimmie hadn’t given a damn. Reaching out after all this time was just stupid but after the radio tower all Shego could dwell on was the time when she had been under the effects of the Attitudinator, and all that time the two of them had spent together that hadn’t involved fighting. Shego had half convinced herself that the two of them had the basis for at least a friendship if not more; she held no illusions about that any more. But this, this hurt and she had promised herself years ago that she wouldn’t set herself up for this kind of pain again. She was just going to go back to that damn room, grab her stuff and get the hell out of this stupid little town once and for all. No more supervillains, no more nefarious plots, no more Middleton and especially no more fucking Kim Possible.
“Shego…”
The green skinned woman didn’t care as she heard Kim’s voice carried to her and just kept walking. She was tired to death of fighting and the realization of what else she had lost weighed heavy on her. It seemed to her as if she was always being shunned, driven away from things that were good. Her heart ached so much that it felt like it was tearing itself out of her chest. She did not need this shit.
“Shego…”
She turned and looked back the way she had come. Kimmie was hustling her way, with an umbrella, but rain still soaking the sides of her pajamas, making them cling against the lithe legs of the world saving girl. Shego just stood there watching the red head draw nearer, water dripping down her face, hiding the tears of frustration and pain that continued to fall. With some difficulty she brushed the strand of hair that clung to her face off to the side and then glared at Kim Possible. “What!? Didn’t give me enough? Gonna yell at me some more?”
“Shego, please come back with me. I’ll listen to what you have to say. Honestly. Please.” Kim did not go for the puppy dog pout, but that was her next step if these words didn’t work. Something had been important enough for the thief to bother Kim and she owed it to the woman to at least actually listen.
“I thought you didn’t believe me, Princess.” Shego wasn’t aware of just how much of her pain came through those words but Kim could hear it and flinched internally. She had thought better of herself.
“I didn’t. I do now.” answered Kim honestly.
“And what changed? Hunh, Kimmie? What?” Shego could feel her anger building, but she wasn’t going to give in and start swinging, as that wouldn’t really solve anything. Besides, this wouldn’t be fighting for the joy of it but striking out blindly in grief. She had done enough of that as well and she wouldn’t take the chance of injuring the child.
“When I saw the look on your face when you left.” Kim couldn’t look at Shego when she said that. That moment had been etched into her head, clearly and crisply, and Kim was having trouble getting that look out of her mind. “I’m sorry. Can we go back and talk about this? It’s cold out here.”
Shego stood there a moment and then grumbled under her breath. One more chance. Kimmie had one more chance and if she screwed this one up, that was it, honor fulfilled ad she could leave. “Fine.”
The walk back to the house was done in silence, with Kim trying to share the umbrella and Shego moving it back over the red head. Kim and she stood in the foyer of the house and Shego remembered the other times she had been there for one reason or another, especially when se had stayed there as Miss Go. It was a nice house but not very much her style, too busy architecturally. Kim shook out the umbrella and then scampered off to return with towels and a thick robe for her nemesis. “Here. You can dry off and get into the robe. I’ll dry your clothes while we talk.”
Shego looked at Kim and tried to figure out how long that might be. Given the fact that the teen still had to be angry, did she want to commit to however long that could be? But then again, she could always just leave in the bathrobe. “Fine.”
Kim rushed upstairs to change while her nemesis was changing in the downstairs bathroom. She rubbed her legs dry quickly and put on some new pajamas, to keep her legs warm in the autumn chill. She made it downstairs before Shego was done and had gotten out. Kim started the kettle, figuring that something warm to drink would be helpful for both of them. She remembered wistfully that Miss Go had liked Coco-Moo quite a lot, and so grabbed some down from the cabinet. Maybe it would work as a peace offering?
Kim was shaking her head, trying to wrap her head around the fact that Shego had to have been telling the truth. Shego didn’t do vulnerable or hurt. The green girl did hate and anger and frustrated but not hurt and certainly not vulnerable and she wouldn’t even lower herself into doing something like that for any reason. It was one of the reasons Kim had sort of liked the dark haired girl. Shego surely was telling the truth about both this and about Erik. That realization caused blood to drain from her face as she replayed that fight in the rain and the kick that had sent Shego crashing into the radio tower. Drakken had deserved that kick, not Shego. She had almost killed the wrong person. Kim choked up some at that and felt her vision misting over.
Kim wiped a few tears of her own away as she turned and got down mugs. She had already decided that school wasn’t going to happen in the morning, as even without this last bit, Shego’s words earlier would have only made paying attention in class even less possible then she could do now anyway. Her thoughts were racing as she stirred the drinks, making sure they were ready when the dark haired woman returned. When she turned, mugs in hand, Shego was already sitting at the table, the wet clothes on the chair next to her, looking at the table top kind of blankly.
After sliding the warm mug over, Kim picked up the clothes and took them and the towel that Shego had used to get dried. She set the thing to speed dry and came back to the table. It looked as if Shego hadn’t even moved, as the mug was still in the same place she had left it. After Kim sat down across from her, Shego took a sip of her drink and smiled faintly. “This is good Coco-Moo. Thank you.”
Kim recalled the conversation from before, when Shego had been her teacher and how excited she had been when she, Ron and Kim had gotten coffee. She had been so giddy over the Coco-Moo that it had been embarrassing. It allowed her to smile faintly. “I remembered that you liked it.”
The nod was slight and Kim barely noticed the wistful smile that played over Shego’s face. She the thief could remember that time. Kim kept going as too much silence would be unbearable, “So, you are sorry.”
“Yes. I didn’t have any idea about either of those plans. I swear to you Kimmie, I would never have done anything like either of those to you if I had known. We fight but I don’t try to utterly screw with you and this latest…it’s like being trapped by your own body and I swore after I got rid of those mind control devices that I wouldn’t put up with anything like it again.” Shego growled out that last part.
Kim remembered the feeling of being trapped by those chips and shuddered. Was having a baby like that? She couldn’t see how and why did Shego think that anyway? “But Shego…I could always…you know…take care of the baby and then it wouldn’t…”
Her voice faded away at the look of horror on Shego’s face. The idea turned her stomach, but Shego? Shego reached out and grabbed one of Kim’s hands desperately. “Kim, please, promise me you won’t do that. It would destroy you and we both know that. Please.”
“Okay, okay…I won’t. I won’t. Better?” Kim pulled her hand free, a bit weirded out by the contact. It was tough enough wrapping her head around Shego’s innocence in the two things that had caused Kim so much pain without having to add traits like compassion to the mix to make her have to reappraise what she believed about the villain. And that Shego had just used her first name, with no pet name, was enough to grab Kim’s attention and underscore Shego’s intensity. It was disconcerting.
Shego nodded. This whole situation was awkward, well beyond anything Drakken had ever devised in his petty schemes to rule the world and she wasn’t sure what to do, feeling utterly out of her depth. There really were no words available to talk about her feelings on the matter, especially as she wasn’t even sure what she felt at this point. She was conflicted and hurting and just wanted to make sure the air was clear between the two of them before she vanished.
“So, Shego, why are you so worried about this baby?” asked Kim, trying to grasp why the older woman had been so adamant about her not having an abortion. The woman’s eyes blazed in their intensity and Kim had felt the tickle of plasma over her hand as she hadn’t let go of the pale hand that had grabbed her moments before. The idea apparently was a large button for the villain.
The surface of the mug of Coco-Moo held no answers as Shego stared into it. This was not something she wanted to talk about but at this point in for a penny, in for a pound. Maybe if she shared something from her past Kim might understand the older woman’s feelings on the matter and see why it was important. “I…I can’t have children, Kimmie. One of the things the meteor did to me was to make my internal system an untenable place for a growing child. The plasma powers would apparently fry the fetus after a few months, and that’s if I didn’t use my powers very much. So, to find out that there is going to be a kid out there with my DNA is just…well, more than I can deal with. It’s overwhelming and I just can’t stand the thought of…”
Kim felt sympathy well up in her as Shego’s voice just faded into nothing, something she didn’t want to feel but when do emotions ever pay attention to wants. “I’m sorry Shego. I didn’t know.”
With a free hand Shego wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to drive the past out of her mind. She didn’t need to go into greater detail than she already had as dredging up old pain just simply reopened old wounds that always took a while to heal. She had many such scabs. “It’s okay Pumpkin, it’s not like you would have known.”
Silence claimed the two of them again. When the tension was rising Kim sat there, but then broke it when her mind realized what else Shego had said by blurting out, “So wait…you and me…having a kid?”
“Yeah, I’m the other mother but honestly Princess, I swear to you I’ll do what I can to help with the baby.” said Shego earnestly.
“Wait…you want to help me with the baby?” Kim’s eyes narrowed, trying to figure out the woman’s angle. Surely Shego wasn’t serious about that. She was a villain, wasn’t she? Too many things were running through her head and only some things lodged themselves into her head. The others just spun confusingly.
“I won’t get in the way. I’ll even stay away if you want me to but I will take care of you and the kid in any way I need to. I will take care of my responsibility. My DNA, my responsibility.” replied Shego, looking the red head into her green eyes, the look on her face making the meaning of her words clear.
The idea was radical and world changing to Kim. Her nemesis and other part of her child wanted to be involved in the child’s life. The fact that the woman was the other half of the kid was major enough without Shego basically saying she wanted to be a mother. What kind of screwed up world was this, thought Kim as she was actually considering it and the implications. Her pause gave her enough time to figure out what she needed to know next. “How did this happen?”
Shego explained everything, from the stupid joy buzzer idea, to Drakken and DNAmy concocting the mix from Shego’s blood and everything. Making sure that Kimmie knew that this was real, and it wasn’t Drakken’s kid or anything was important to Shego so she took all the time she needed to make sure the whole thing was clear.
Well, if those idiots had been involved it wasn’t a surprise that it worked, thought Kim. But Shego…as the other half of her child? Then a thought occurred to Kim. I wonder just how far she’s willing to go to take care of the child. That was something she really wanted to know as it would determine just how much Kim would even bother considering Shego’s involvement. “What would you give or give up to be involved in the child’s life, not just giving back the money you have stolen?”
The look of hope and worry in Shego’s green eyes told Kim far more than the words alone ever could. The pale skinned woman was utterly serious. “Anything.”
“Anything? You’ll go straight, repay your debt to society, go to prison, anything?” asked Kim, a bit incredulous. This had to be a joke.
“If it means I can actually be involved in her life, then yes. Not a question.” The intensity in Shego’s eyes was something Kim knew well. It was the look that showed whenever the fights between them turned serious. A look she knew well.
This was not something Kim really felt like she could deal with. It felt so surreal, to be woken up and have all this occur, like it was some sort of fucked up dream. “Okay. We’ll get that worked out later. What did you mean by taking care of me? It’s not like I need your help. My parents are doing fine right now.”
“Princess, if you want, I will pay for your neonatal visits, pay for your maternity clothes, pay for whatever you need between now and the birth and even beyond. I don’t want the kid to want for anything and that also means making sure you are taken care of. I want to be there for you, both you and our daughter.” The intensity never changed, which thrilled Kim. Shego actually wanted to take care of her. This was certainly a far cry from wanting to beat her up or kill her. Something new grew inside her at the thought. Maybe…
“Daughter? Hunh? Oh…yeah. Okay. You know, we’re going to have to talk to my parents about this.” said Kim, aware that anything dealing with something this big would have to have her parents involved somewhere along the line.
Shego nodded.
“And I am still pissed at you, just not as pissed.”
Again Shego nodded, understanding.
Kim’s yawn surprised both of them. Shego quickly glanced at the wall clock and noticed what time it was. It was either very, very late in the evening or really, really early in the morning and neither was good for Princess. “Want to finish this in the morning Pumpkin?”
Kim nodded as another yawn stretched her face. Part of this was the adrenalin crash from all the excitement earlier but part of it was her lack of sleep. Since this had been confirmed, she hadn’t been sleeping well, always waking up even more tired than when she had gone to sleep. She was tired all the time and could barely stand getting up as is. This wasn’t helping.
“I can go and come back tomorrow if you want?” offered the thief, honestly trying to make this whole thing as easy on Kim as possible. She didn’t want to crowd the young woman as experience had shown that Kim hated being trapped just about as much as she did.
“It’s late so just crash on the couch. I can explain it to my parents in the morning, well later this morning.” yawned Kim. “But you better be here when I get up Shego or no deal.”
The green skinned woman nodded. Maybe being on the couch would be for the best at this point. After all, if she was back at the apartment she just might sleep too much and lose this chance. That or lose her nerve and run. Kimmie was dangling hope like a carrot in front of her and the teen hero knew it. “I’ll be here.”
“Okay then. Night.”
“Night.”
Shego watched Kim walk away, sitting there nursing the cold cup of Coco-Moo. With a short burst of power, she re-warmed the drink and took another sip. What the hell was she doing? Was she seriously thinking of giving up everything she had just to take care of Kim and the baby? Was she seriously thinking of turning her whole world topsy-turvy just for the sake of possibly being able to see her daughter from a distance or maybe even more? Was she going to change everything for a chance? How was that different than the mind control chip?
The fact that this would be her choice would be the biggest difference and she knew it. She could do this; go straight if it meant that she could actually hold her daughter. Being ready to throw all of that away had been on her mind earlier, but she clung to this hope like a drowning man might to a life preserver. Kim might let her actually help raise the child and Shego could make sure that the little girl would know nothing but love and caring her whole life. Kim and her daughter would have a life utterly unlike Shego’s and that would be worth any cost. Whatever it took to make sure this would happen, she would do. There were things more important than crime after all.
