Tuesday evening, March 12, 2007

Few things in my short and rather humble existence could I describe as being quite as singularly horrendous, or as broadly humiliating as the curious predicament I found myself trapped within, which shared may similarities with the manner a sacrificial virgin is gussied up before being chained outside the dragons cave. Even that thing with the gibbering unfathomable horrors and the tea cups was oddly less terrifying than this.

Most of the things that I could think of that would have rivaled this had happened to me in the short span of the last couple weeks, and the majority of which I didn't really care to think about at this particular juncture. I was, however, considering to myself if being naked in my current state would have been any worse than being dressed up like a teeny-bopper girl at a Brittany Spears concert.

Yes, I had the shamefully short skirt. Yes, I had the tiny shirt with the whorish phrase proudly displayed in bright letters and glitter generously filled out with tissue paper and a bra, and yes, I was apparently wearing enough make-up and female decorative substances on my face to thoroughly pass as the afore mentioned teeny-bopper girl at the pop-idol concert. Distressingly, though, I was not located amidst a bubbling, chittering pink throng of like-dressed girls, because at least then I would have blended in with the scenery.

No, I was standing on the front steps of my own house, alone, with very little time left between now and when I'd promised a very attractive and charming girl that I'd go on a date with her at the local movie theater. You might question my sanity, wondering why, if I was so morally against my current manner of attire and being seen in public as such, would I still be so insistent on a date with a pretty girl. One would think I would value my self-respect enough to call her, and tell her I needed at least a few more hours to get ready, but I had no phone available without going back into the house and weathering the further attentions of the creatures that had garbed me so.

Despite what had happened in my life up to this point, I was still very interested in pursuing a romance relationship with a female. This female in particular. I'd been a boy longer than I'd so abruptly had a leg spot-welded on to my lone and proud Y chromosome (thus making it an awkward XX), and there was still the dim hope that one day I might return to normal, and have a normal girlfriend, and not be seen as the spastic little geek everyone assumed I was. Exacerbated by this was the fact that this would be the first date I'd ever been on. On top of all THESE problems, the girl in question assumed she was going on a date with a rather scrawny looking male (or possibly a spastic little geek).

Thinking back to just minutes before, I couldn't recall exactly WHY I let the horde of buxom, well endowed, scantily clad, scandalously positioned older women have their way with me, to stick me in the situation I currently found myself entrenched within. Oh. No, wait. I remember now. It was because they were a horde of buxom, well endowed, scantily clad, scandalously positioned older women that wanted to have their way me. The power of boobs compels me, I tell you! Part of my mind was still telling me it had all been worth it, too, and I wasn't quite ready to resent the thoughts. I mean, some of those girls had some extremely ample chesticular growth!

Hey, you grow up being seen as a skinny nerd in your school, ignored by just the thing that your loins suddenly almost literally burst to be with around the same time your age count ticked over to the teens, and see how unshakeable YOUR willpower becomes when you find yourself circled by carefree hardly-dressed college girls. Every time I tried to get up and run for cover, there they were! Breasts! Acres of air bags, chasms of cleavage slacking my jaw and dulling my thoughts, overloading my hormone addled brain and stunning me much like the first astronaut must have been when he'd gazed at those heavenly bodies which no longer hung above him tantalizingly in the sky, but were spread out as his very feet! In many ways, I shared that first astronaut's ( or the first astronomer's) fascination with heavenly spherical objects temptingly at my finger tips. I was a breastonaut!

Oh, yah, and they'd kept my glasses, saying something about how they didn't flatter my soulful dark eyes.

I took a deep breath, trying to think past the burning shame and mind numbing terror of being discovered looking like how I was, and trying to ignore the annoying double vision I was seeing despite how I tried to focus. No matter what I did; squinted, blinked rapidly, closed one eye, crossed my eyes, the world looked like it was overlapped with a completely different world that didn't quite make sense, nor mesh well with what I was familiar to. Glowing lines ran along the ground like veins, trees sported decidedly non-planty like auras with draconic like visages, and the only saving grace at the moment had been that there weren't any alien ghost fish monsters flying in the air and diving towards me like they'd just spotted a worm.

Alright, I had to think. They'd delayed me greatly, but... I had SOME time left. Not a lot of time, really, but if I could wipe this junk off my face and find a change of clothes, I might make it just in time before the flick starts. As luck would have it, I suddenly recalled something that may have been a sign from above that the stars of my fortune may have aligned finally, and that perhaps my luck had changed for the better!

You see, I'd just remembered that a certain alien cat imitator had left my window open earlier that day to do god knows what in the neighborhood. Or maybe God didn't know what, I just hoped whatever that creature had been so eager to do outside didn't leave anything that might psychologically scar anyone, or worse, leave kittens.

Stiffly, and mindful of the short skirt despite a lack of any eyes out there to see me, I walked around the side of the house at a waddle and past a large draconic looking tree that slithered and waved long pseudo reptile like branches out at me that actually made me jump when I thought I felt one touch me. Actually touch me. I paused a few steps away from it, looking back with a shocked expression, I was sure. There it was, the strange combination of tree and something else making motions towards me, but standing tall and proud like a great monster with its wings tucked around it. Maybe I hadn't felt it touch me... it was just a confusing vision, after all. Probably my imagination. I snuck into the bushes just outside my slightly cracked window, and carefully crouched down. It wouldn't do to be spotted by the distractingly large chested cronies of my sister with my suspicious act of lingering about the place. Cautiously I stooped up, peeking in through the crack in the window. It was still open!

I let out a sigh of relief, and spotted not a single person in my room, which should have come as no surprise. Nobody, save for that thankless feline, lazying about on my bed. Man, it really had that 'pretend to be a cat' thing down! I dare say it was giving me that indignant cat glare from the corner of its eyes that its sort had when it deigned to acknowledge my existence with even a direct look.

As I started to lift the window up to allow my entry into the room, voices approached the door to my room, and I silently cursed when a mesmerizing chest proceeded to enter my own personal private domicile, the sanctity of which had been violated so many times in the past few days by the fairer sex. The bosom itself was not alone, and was followed shortly after by the female they were attached to, and I promptly ducked back into the bushes to avoid detection with a mental swearing. Ninja of the shadows I was not, but I didn't think the two of-, er, she noticed me.

"Naw, I totally felt a draft coming from this room...! Oh, see? Someone left the window open!" the voice of the woman that had wandered into my room had said.

Damn damn damn! How could this get any worse?!

"Hit pause on Pretty In Pink, I'll be right back!" She then commented to herself, apparently having stopped to look about my room, "Geez, 'Lissa's little brother must be a total geek, half these posters aren't even real women...! Wow, polygon girl has bigger boobs than I do! Ack, kinda smells sorta musty in here, too..."

My chest puffed out as I felt mildly defensive all of a sudden, but I resisted the urge to speak up and defend my living arrangements. The depiction of the ever so popular female video game character that woman had so scathingly referred to as "polygon girl" was a VERY realistic rendition of the female form! She was a cutting edge rendering 7 years ago!

"Oop, here's the window!" She said as I heard something slam shut above my head.

I slumped onto my haunches, cursing silently through clenched teeth that tastes suspiciously of cherry lip gloss. Wait, there was still a chance!

Schroedinger!

Maybe I could convince it to open the window back up after that wench left!

"Awww! What a cute little kitty! What are you doing in this smelly old room, kitty? Come to mama, I gotta show you to the girls! You are sooo adorable! You're all smooth and pretty, you must be one of those mexican hairless kitties I heard about!"

Squeaking in terror, I chanced discovery and popped my head back up into the room to see what was happening, only to spot an intrigued looking Schroedinger being cuddled in against the dairy cow sized udders of the large breasted woman that had stunned me earlier that evening, when I'd left the shower. I cursed the little traitor that also happened to be an alien cat, as she cradled it and coo'd, walking it out of the room.

I settled back into the bushes and glared at the heavens. This was so very, very not fair.

Being hidden in the bushes gave me a chance to think. It helped that I had reasoned to myself that the whole neighborhood probably couldn't see me dressed in skank-wear through their windows if they happened to look, especially if I was off cowering in bushes like a streaker that suddenly changed his mind in the early hours of the night.

I calmed myself with a series of deep breaths and closed my eyes. Slowly, I formulated a plan. There was the means of transportation I'd originally planned to take to the theater a good hour or so ago before I was ambushed; my bike. If I used my bike, I might yet make it in time. If I went fast enough, I probably wouldn't be and couldn't be recognized at this time of night, more so if I avoided street lights. Also, there was one of those big, cheap department stores on the way to the theater. If I really, really hauled ass, I had JUST enough money in my purse to probably buy a few spare clothes as a disguise and make it just in time for my date!

Of course, I could try a short cut to get there even faster.

The temptation to slip out of this world and through the cracks of reality was tempting, especially with the door virtually in front of my unprotected eyes. I could feel the formulae as it distilled in my mind even as I thought about it, the method and trick to it not nearly as much a mystery to myself as it had been days earlier. Then, I recalled the last time I'd jumped out to save myself from a perverted teacher and had found myself on an entirely different planet, and had spent days figuring out a way to get home. Without Ecila to lead the way, it'd be much more difficult to traverse the void with any certainty.

No, I didn't have enough time to try all that out, and my aim was, apparently, still a bit sloppy. The bike seemed the most effective means to get where I wanted to go. At least then there wasn't a chance I'd end up on another planet by accident, if I took my bike. It really wasn't all that great as bikes go, you see.

Okay, so the plan would be as follows; ride to the department store, buy a change of clothes, wipe the make-up off, change into the clothes, and ride very quickly to meet Beth at the theater for perhaps the first and last time I might get to play a masculine roll in a relationship. Err, I mean, until Ecila comes through for me. If... she came through for me.

Shaking my head of such doubtful thoughts, I chose to waste no further time. I scrambled out of the bushes and hauled my bike out of the garage, hopped on it, and proceeded to haul butt down the street as fast as my scrawny legs could get me. I'd gotten a good few hazily viewed blocks before I'd realized the awkwardness in biking as vigorously as I was while wearing an incredibly short dress, and more so doing it with panties on. The wedgie I was feeling was legendary in my recollection of wedgies I had since received, but luckily, I hadn't been seen by anyone JUST yet, so, maybe, before I humiliated myself further, I could just walk the rest of the way and-

"Wooohooo baby! Looking NICE!" I heard a dreadfully familiar voice holler as something with bright lights and a chattering engine pulled up along side my bike to match my speed.

A pang of fear choked off a squeak of terror in my throat, when a familiar looking old beat up mini-van with a severely dented hood sputtered, and rolled up along side me while I continued to furiously pump my legs.

Oh yes, I knew the owner of that voice. Two kids attempting to look suave as they barreled down the street wearing neck braces kept pace with me. Ray was hanging out the window with a rather stiff posture, and his roly-poly sidekick, Henry, was at the steering wheel (I imagine that's all he could manage with that thick plastic medical brace about his neck. I didn't ask why they were both wearing neck braces, though, as I didn't really want to strike up conversation just then. However, they seemed intent on striking it up with me!)

"Heeey, you need a RIDE, baby?" he cat-called to me, while my face, I'm sure, was red as a fire-truck.

"What's your phone number! You look like MY kinda girl!" yelped an all too interested Ray, the pair of them obviously not recognizing me under my layers of girl paint.

Somehow, their inability to recognized me as I was felt more terrifying to me than if they HAD recognized me. Had I ventured so far into female held territory that I'd become unrecoverable? Had my black hawk downed in a place from which there was no escape?

I was biking a little too hard to respond, but as it turned out, I didn't have to. My attention snapped back ahead of me when I caught the headlights of some white little compact turning the corner. Rather than a car, I was struck by a unique sense of deja-vu when I yanked to the right and just barely avoided getting into the same sort of accident that got me into the whole girl-mess previously, and wobbled off down the street as a horrendous bone crunching sound exploded from behind me.

Daring a glance back, I saw Ray and Henry hanging out the windows of their van and sounding generally pissed off, the head of it smashed in against the front of that car I'd just barely avoided having a little run-in myself with.

I snorted to myself in amusement, having a difficult time thinking of a more deserving pair of jerks that could have ended up in a car accident.

Shortly later, I came to a skidding, panting halt in front of the local department store. With great relief I unmounted my bike, dutifully adjusted my short skirt, and stalked into the store at a motivated pace, mindful that if I wasted too much time I was probably as good as dead in the eyes of a certain pretty blonde painter.

Normally, Suzan Chylds wouldn't have been caught dead in a store like this.

It was a department store, for gods sake. Department! Store! But with the word department at the front of it!

It had neither the personality of a department, nor the charm of a "store". It was a where-house. This was the sort of place that sold mass over make, with trailer-park friendly two-for-one deals, and where sales were had on massive packages of undergarments with knock-off names that sounded similar to name-brands but with curious foreign twists to them (usually just adding an "o" to the end, such as Niko, and El Calvin Kleino!). Its' circus like ceiling was high enough for a trapeze artists to swing from with the greatest of ease, dull florescent lights flickered over head while spot lights flashed on the biggest, brightest deals, and endless rows and racks filled with a sea of bulk purchased garments forming a maze of monotony.

This place attracted the absolute barrel bottom of society. It was like a freak show parade, fat greasy little children screaming at the top of their lungs as they clung to the muumuus of women that could have doubled for love-seats with their fashion sense and titan like girth, and ancient wrinkled masses maneuvered walkers at the speed of slow. Suzan suspected she had passed the bearded woman, earlier, as well, though it just as easily could have been a large chested man

This was where the trailer-park trash did it's bargain hunting, and Suzan had become glumly aware that she had in fact been spending the last few nights in a trailer park bachelor pad currently inhabited and hosted by her scruffy looking uncle.

Oh, she had clothes. Back in her REAL home she had the stylish, classy, trendy sort of clothing that seemed to cost more BECAUSE of how little it covered. It was the diametric opposite of this hell hole for the fashionable-impaired. However, Suzan had thus far been unable to contact her parents. Well, she'd been able to call her mother. Her step-mother. She'd been the only person answering the phone lately, as apparently her father had fallen into a depression, or a funk of some sort, and didn't want to see anyone. Even his own daughter. That made dressing herself rather difficult, as all she had that was hers was the burnt clothing she'd worn last friday night. Her father would get better eventually and invite her back, she was certain. It was just a matter of time. But until then, while she was being shunned from the house, she needed a temporary change of clothing that wasn't her Uncle's.

Suzan shuffled forwards in the drifting check-out line, a pair of dark glasses concealing the dull glow of her eyes that would have made the fact that she was a mutant bluntly obvious to anyone who looked, loose fitting clothes she'd had to borrow from her Uncle making her virtually unrecognizable to anyone who would have known her before, the clothing doing an excellent job of hiding her killer curves as she regarded the cheap change of garments she had folded in one arm, and the $40 dollars her Uncle had spared her for shopping in the other. She'd bought skirts that cost this much before, and now she was buying clothing in bulk.

Even the lines somehow stunk of a circus air, Suzan noticed. The scent of stale popcorn and vomit scented butter assaulted her tender nose as children with big bags of popcorn came running and screaming past her, chasing one another. After they left, there was a lingering scent of cotton candy that wasn't all together unpleasant.

She paused when the line moved forwards, and the slinky, rather cute (in a teeny-bopper-sort-of-way) girl in front of her cursed, when her efforts to fit her rather drab looking purchases of a pair of pants, a loose looking long sleeve shirt, and a pair of discounted canvas shoes slipped off the conveyor belt leading up to the cash register. Suzan allowed herself a slight smile, eyeing the girls slim form when she knelt down in an adorable looking baby-t and miniskirt to gather up her clothing from the floor. The smile faded rather quickly, however, when she realized who she was staring at.

It was that kid, from school! The one she'd been trying to humiliate for the last week, and who exploded in that classroom! That kid she thought had died! The one she thought was a boy that whole time, and that turned out to be a girl in drag! ...Jay, something or other! Josse? Jane? ...Something like that.

Her thoughts were cut off around the point that she was telling herself 'Huh, she cleans up nice', when a rather rancid smelling old woman behind her coughed loudly, and gave her a glare. Off handedly, Suzan wondered if this was going to be one of her new neighbors back at the mobile home park.

Grimacing in mild disgust, but not wanting to attract any more attention to herself than she had to, Suzan rolled her shoulders upwards to shrug off the dirty feeling she had standing so close to someone so offensive to her senses, and shuffled a few steps forwards to advance the line behind the dark haired girl before her.

It was definitely a J word. Jasmine? No, definitely not, you don't mistake a girl for a boy when they have a stripers name. Jill?

"Alriiiight, that comes to $15.95, young lady! Will that be cash, or charge?" the annoyingly chipper cashier said to the girl.

"Cash," she quickly responded, and Suzan noticed the oddly cute flush to the girls cheeks, as though she were embarrassed, and trying to rush herself. There was an off-key awkwardness that, while on a boy, Suzan thought was just dorky, but on a girl was somehow adorable. Even the way she rummaged in her purse for her wallet, looking like she'd never used a purse before in her life was oddly charming. Then she froze as she was dealing out dollars to the cashier, biting her lip.

Smiling patiently, the cashier counted the money she'd gotten, and noted in a bright tone, "That'll be just 3 more dollars, ma'am."

"Uh... do you take rain checks?" asked the dark haired girl, her gaze nervously flitting about. "I don't got the cash ON me, but I could come back once I-"

The cashiers attitude dulled some. "I'm sorry young lady, if you don't have enough money for it, you'll have to put something back."

"But... I need all of this! And I'm in a hurry!"

She sighed. "I'm afraid if you can't choose something to remove from your purchase, I'll have to move you out of the line, ma'am. It isn't fair to the other customers."

The coughing woman behind Suzan seemed to agree, though the wily blonde was having other thoughts. A twisted smile showed on her lips, and she made certain the dark glasses she wore to hide her eyes were on just right, before taking a step forward and reaching into her own purse.

"Excuse me..." said a voice Josh would have known, if not for the tone of kindness that had been alien to it every time he'd ever heard it previous.

"Excuse me," said a friendly voice, and I turned while fighting a case of hyperventilation. Things were not going my way. Things never seemed to go my way! One day I was going to track things down and make it go my way SO hard!

"I'm sorry, just give me a second! I probably have some change in here somewhere, I won't hold your stupid line up more than I have to!" I snapped. I didn't want to be rude, but my options had dimmed before my very eyes.

The blonde girl with the dark shades and loose clothes behind me spoke up, "No, that's alright. Let me lone you the money. It's just a few bucks, after all."

I looked up blinking in disbelief. She looked familiar to me, though I couldn't quite pin just where I knew her from. She also looked like she'd been through almost as much hell as I had. The girl looked around my age, but was dressed in some extremely loose fitting, baggy grey sweat-clothes, and didn't seem to be wearing any make-up. Not that, from what I saw, she needed it. Not the sort that looks a gift horse in the mouth (though I suppose these days a more updated version of the saying might be 'a free VW in the engine'?), I hesitantly asked, "really? You'd just lend me the money...? That's great and all, but..."

"Oh, don't mention it. I'm sure we'll run into each other again at some point, and you'll have the chance to return the favor." The girl smirked at me, pushing the the money to the indifferent cashier woman.

Still somewhat cautious, I gave her a nod. "Gosh... um, thanks a ton! You really helped me out here, miss. I'll totally owe you for this!"

"We girls do gotta stick together."

Reflexively, I felt the corner of my eye twitch. "R-right, us girls. Um. Well, thanks again! I was in a real hurry!" Thankfully, I smiled at her uncertainly, and stuffed my purchase into a plastic bag before bolting off to the restrooms to change.

Suzan watched Josh take off with a mild show of amusement, while the woman behind the counter ran up her purchase of clothing that would tide her over until her father came to his senses. Her Uncle was waiting where he said he would, reading a local newspaper in his truck while she did her shopping. Going to this place had been humiliating enough, so she had been mildly grateful to the man that had been a stranger in her life up until the weekend previous when he'd let her go in on her own to buy what she needed. However, she suspected he'd just let her alone to avoid the potential embarrassment of underwear shopping with a niece less than half his age.

"Geesh 'Lissa, what prescription does your little sis have? These glasses are so thick I think I can see future events!" quipped the lithe and buxom brunette that was sitting cross legged in a pair of panties and a snug t-shirt, a content and amused hairless black cat curled up in her lap. If one were observant, and suspected an animal of having perverted inclinations, a person might have been suspicious of the exceptional grin on it's face as it snuggled between the woman's thighs. Also, she wore a square lensed pair of glasses that didn't seem to be hers, and that looked decidedly nerdy.

Melissa clicked her tongue, and plucked the glasses from her friends face in one precise motion. "Okay, that's enough. I'm pretty sure my little sister would be fairly pissed if we broke these."

"Aww!"

"You're no fun, 'Lissa!"

She just rolled her eyes, and carefully folded the glasses. "Like you all didn't have enough fun dressing her up."

"Hey, you were the one that did her make-up!" accused the girl who was leaning over to pet the pussy cat in her friends' lap with long, deep strokes.

She sighed in a fond manner, and said dreamily, "Glitter just suits her! Her face was calling out to me to decorate it!" Melissa's voice turned ghostly and hollow as she crooned,"Melissaaaa... come to meeee... come adorn me with shiny things that'll make boys take notice and want to make smoochy faces with meeee...!"

The other girls broke into giggles as Melissa snickered to herself, and got up. "I'm going to go put these back in the dorks room. Carry on without me," she said with a regal wave.

She stepped out of the room, sighing slightly when she got to the hallway and left the gathering of friends behind her cooing and fawning over the new house pet her brother had somehow adopted while she was away. The dark haired Gillman girl strode into her former little brother's room and glanced about at the poster covered walls, the prominently black computer tower humming away by the monolithic flat screen on her little sister's desk.

Reluctantly, she placed the folded glasses on the desk where she'd be sure to find it, right in front of her monitor, and looked to the slovenly made bed.

"It's hard to believe you're my little sister now, Josh..." she whispered to the empty room. "I know I've been a little tough on you since I got back, but I think you're better off worrying about being teased by me than freaking out about changing the way you have... right?"

Eyeing the Knights of Purity action figures locked in time and in an epic struggle to stab one another on Josh's desk with their hastily wielded pencils and paper clips, Melissa playfully walked over and flicked one over on it's back. "You're a little dork, but I still love you. I promise I'll go a little easier on you from now on, though. Just don't go turning all girly on me too fast, that wouldn't be any fun."

Exhaling lightly, she left her little sister's boyishly decorated room and closed the door behind her.

A strange rustling noise down the hallway caught her attention.

Pausing to cast a quizzical glance towards the closed bathroom door, Melissa noted the lack of lights. A quick glance back towards the living room told her the girls were still amusing themselves with an all too content looking kitten.

The shifting noise sounded again from the bathroom, and Melissa slowly tip-toed towards the dark door, holding her breath to listen over the sounds of distantly playing 80's romance movies and squealing women.

"Hello...?"

She frowned when no answer came to her call, and gently rapped her knuckles against the door three times, then waited, and repeated herself. "Hello? Is someone in there?"

Melissa nearly jumped back a foot when something shifted again on the other side of the door, jerking unmistakably against it with a light thump, as if it were knocking back to answer her. The brunette frowned, steeling herself as she knocked another few times. "Um, I don't know who's in there, but you do realize the lights are off, right?"

By now, one of her other friends had noticed Melissa's absence, and had tip toed into the hallway behind her. "Lissa? What's the matter?" the blonde girl asked, noting the troubled look on her friends face.

She turned to her friend with a faint frown. "I'm not sure. I keep hearing something moving in there. I think maybe someone broke in, or an animal snuck in through an open door. Do you know who used it last?"

Her friend scoffed lightly. "Ah, yah. That would be your little sister. I was going to use it earlier, and decided I'd use the one in your parents room."

Melissa blinked.

The girl made a face. "I don't think she flushed."

She winced, when a sound similar to stretching rubber was more audibly heard in the closed restroom caused her and her friend to both pull back in alarm.

"M-maybe we should call the police..." the other girl whispered, eyeing the door frame with caution.

"Pfft, I very much doubt it's a burglar, and I'm not calling the police because of some lost raccoon. Lets see what this is, first."

"Um, but what if it IS a burglar?" the blonde suggested reasonably.

Melissa closed her mouth, and frowned at the door. She thought about it for a moment, then stated in a nervous tone,"Uh... if you ARE a burglar... we're like, totally armed to the teeth out here."

"Uh, yah! We've got knives and stuff! And we're not afraid to use them!"

"I've got my father's shotgun...!"

"I didn't know your dad had a shotgun, 'Lissa! You said earlier he didn't believe in them, and that he thought that owning a gun only perpetuated the violence of modern society, and-"

"Shoosh!"

"Oh, right! Um. I hope you're wearing protection in there, 'lissa's got a shotgun out here and she's ready to blow her load!"

Melissa stared at her friend with a blank expression, and then sighed, shaking her head. "We're probably overreacting. Maybe someone just left the water on?"

The stretching, rustling sound was heard on the other side of the door just then, and suddenly the lights flicked on and flashed out through the cracks of the doorway. Both girls stopped in their tracks to stare at the lights, then slowly backed away. Shadows were cast through the slivers of light, clear signs of movement indicating that it probably was not, in fact, a lost raccoon fiddling with the toothpaste tubes.

"Uh, I think we should call the police now, 'lissa..." whispered the blonde, her gaze fearfully locked on the shifting shadows.

"Y-yah..." Melissa agreed, starting to back away on tip-toe from the mysterious sounds and lights behind the door. Not looking where she was going, her shoulder accidently bumped against a framed picture hung precariously on the wall, and the family photo fell with a sharp sound of shattering glass at their feet.

Reflexively, both girls let out a scream, and the bathroom door exploded open with writhing, wriggling shadows. Their screams didn't stop, proving the exceptional lung capacities of scantily clad collegiate women, when the wriggling shadows turned out to be squirming, slimy tentacles that were gathered in a whipping, writhing great mass in the Gillman family's restroom, and which seemed quite intent on reaching for the squealing women, and spiraling around their feet so quickly both girls stumbled, and fell backwards on their butts.

Triumphantly, I pulled up before the theater wearing a loose fitting pair of pants, and a looser fitting long sleeve shirt, and my face still wet from when I'd washed it most thoroughly in the sink back at the department store. The clothes I'd had on earlier were mostly stashed in the shopping bag my new clothes had come from (I couldn't just throw them away, they mostly belonged to my sister! The proper thing to do with them would be to roll them around with some dog feces, set them on fire, THEN return them to her). But not all of the female garments were in there. I couldn't afford more than the pants, shirt, a cheap pack of socks, and shoes, so I still wore the eternal wedgie that was panties on under all of it, though I'd stuffed a spare rolled-up pair of socks down the front in lieu of actual male genitals, as I had slowly become accustomed to doing over the past few days.

It was oddly comforting having something packing in front, once more.

I left my bike locked in a bike rack in front of the theater, and went looking for Beth at a light jog. It didn't take me long to see her waiting by the ticket booth looking rather impatient, and holding a cell-phone to her ear. I let out a sigh of relief. My journey was over! All the trials and tribulations I'd endured through the night had been worth it, because here, at last, was my Shangrilla!

"THERE you are!" she said, accusingly, snapping the phone shut. "You could have at least called me if you were going to show up late! I've been trying to call you all night, and I all I get is some weird girls saying you werent around! You said you would call if you were going to be late again, Josh!"

I winced, holding my hands up in defeat. Suddenly, getting here and finally meeting her wasn't making out to be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow the whole night had made it out to be. "H-hold on, I'm real sorry, but I've had a hell of a time getting here tonight! I would have called you if I could have!"

She gave a soft sigh, eyeing me over with a critical look, then reached up to take my collar.

"Huh? What're you..." I started to say as she yanked a store tag off my shirt and looked at it.

"At least you got dressed up for it. That's kinda sweet. New clothes?"

"Y-yah, well..." I fidgeted a little, mindful now that she was smiling at me, and my heart was starting to race in my chest. Race against what, I wasn't exactly certain, but it felt like it was going somewhere at great speeds on rickety wheels.

Tilting her head, she looked down at the bag in my hands. "Did you get me something?"

"What? Oh. Oh! Ah, no, this is for my sis'."

"Hm... You're here now, I guess that's what counts, even though you showed up late." Holding up her cellphone, she commented meaningfully,"...Like, an hour late. Hey, where'd your glasses go?"

"Hey, I said I was sorry! I was ambushed!" My resentment overpowered the sense of being overwhelmed that being around her often inspired in me. She'd waited an hour for me?

Looking at me oddly, she questioned, "ambushed...?"

"Yah, twice! First there was like, six of them, and then two in a car!"

"Geez, Josh. You sure seem to be attracting trouble lately. You survive a mutant attack at the school, then get attacked on your way to a date? Is there something you aren't telling me?"

"Erm, well, it wasn't really an attack..."

"But you said there was six of them?"

"Right. There was six of them," I said vaguely.

She arched an eyebrow. "Oh? What'd they look like...?"

"Err, they were bigger than me... " I started making gestures with my hands in an attempt to describe the aggressors. At some point my hands made indecent cupping motions in the air.

Squinting, she said in a tone that hinted of disbelief, "Um... you were ambushed by six girls?"

"Yah, but they..." I cleared my throat. "Hey, if we don't move quick, we'll probably miss the movie!"

She watched me with that doubtful look, but then seemed to drop the whole matter with a wave of her hand. "Alright, you do look kinda worn out. I guess you could have had some trouble, and you probably would have called if you could have. I'll let you off the hook this time, Gillman. But make me wait on you again, and I'll be putting so many curses on you your head'll spend! I read a book on wikka once!"

Letting out a sigh of relief, I nodded. "Right, um, so lets get the tickets."

Smirking, she said, "Ah-ah, I already got them. I had a feeling you'd show up eventually, so I went ahead and picked them up in the ample time you left me. Waiting. For you."

My face felt slightly flushed. "Geez, I said I'm sorry."

"You need to learn to take a little teasing, Josh," she murmured, smiling as she took my hand and led me off into the theater. "By the way, you don't have to take the glasses off to impress me. You look just as cute with them as without them."

I was too surprised by the gesture to come up with a proper response. She was holding my hand. My hand was touching hers. We were touching. My bare exposed pores were pressed pore to pore with hers! Hand oils were mixing, fluids connecting! "Er, uh, um..."

She handed her tickets to the doorman, and we made our way through the parlor of the place. The theater had been here longer than either of us, and had since been retrofitted a few times to keep it up with the times. The main room was sort of cozy and over carpeted and built just large enough to show the ample snack counter, a couple clearly labeled doors to the restrooms, and the hallways leading to the viewing rooms of the theater. I don't think it had more than six open at a time.

It was briskly cool in the theater itself, which was of much relief to me after my previous exertions, and Lady Lightning apparently wasn't all that popular a movie tonight. Although it was a tuesday night, and this particular sequel had been out several weeks already. Not a lot of movie goers out on tuesday nights, typically. This wasn't an entirely bad thing, as it gave us a prime pick of seats. We decided to sit somewhere half way up the rows, near the walkways.

After we sat down, she squeezed my hand slightly, and glanced down with an curious look, then peered up at me oddly.

I glanced back at her, probably looking just as strange, because while I was seeing her beautiful blue eyes, long, perfectly combed blonde hair, my field of vision had shifted from the comparatively innocent lines and peculiar auras I'd been seeing ever since I left the house to something more sinister and disheartening. A haze of grey had settled in on the inner atmosphere of theater, dulling all the color from my sight and animating the thick course carpet under foot so it felt to me as though I was sitting on a field of squirming maggots in the musty hazy air of a stone cavern, chairs now and then looking more like abandoned tomb stones each bearing a single alien, sinister eye that seemed to stare at me. But also, I was at the theater, in a seat that I considered might have been comfortable, next to a beautiful girl. At the same time though, it was an underground tomb squirming with worms and freaky eyes.

While I squeezed my own eyes shut and quickly rubbed at them, praying most fervently to myself that the vision would pass, she whispered in a suspicious voice, "Josh, your hands are awfully soft... it's nice, but... are you using hand lotion? And your face is sort of... I don't know, glittery, now that I take a good look..."

"Eh-heh, really? Um, w-well I've never been on a-I-I mean, I've been on DATES before, but... I guess I really wanted to impress you, so I tried a few, errr, things." Lamely, I tried to cover myself with a hastily concocted lie. Well, it wasn't an entire lie, really, I had wanted to impress her.

"Hmn. You aren't turning goth, are you? I'm really not all that into the glittery vampire look, so if that's what you're trying for... maybe, next time, you could just come how you normally look, you know? Like you do at school?"

"Um. Well, see... those women I mentioned getting ambushed by? My sister apparently invited them for a sleep over, and they might have accidently spilled some of that... glittery make-up stuff some girls wear."

"Oh, is that what that weird cotton candy smell was? I thought it was someone's perfume, but..."

I continued to blush, and shook my head quickly. "N-no, no way, can't be me - it's probably the snack bar."

"Hm. Funny, I didn't see any cotton candy."

"R-really? I did! Oh, geez, I totally forgot the snacks!"

I could feel her uncertain gaze on me, before she gave a reluctant nod. "Yah. Yah, well... it's nice that you did all that... getting ready just for me, I guess. I have to admit, I was a little nervous myself." She smiled shyly. "I did get the tickets. I suppose it's only gentlemanly of you to get the snacks. Could you pick me up some junior mints?"

Swallowing, I opened my mouth to reply, when a sudden urge utterly unrelated with the peculiar overshadowing haze of worms underfoot and the shadow world fighting for my attention struck me. It was an uncomfortable urge, one I'd had to deal with for several days now. Embarrassed, I quickly stood up. "Y-yah! Not a problem, junior mints!"

I'd realized with a start that I must have still had some of that glitter on my face, and that more to the point, my finger nails were pink, and worse, I had to pee! I apologized and excused myself to go have a mild melt down in the men's restroom.

Luckily, there was an empty stall that I could duck into and lock behind me. I was already missing being able to urinate while standing up as it just saved sooo much time in comparison to all this sitting business. However, even if I could do the deed while in a full and upright position, I couldn't do it while wearing women's panties on under my clothing, so I was doubly thankful for the lone stall I'd acquired.

This was the perfect moment to catch my breath, and try to focus. Okay, I'd finally gotten here. I was on a date, and despite all the odds against me; older sisters and their friends, being left dressed like a ho-bag on the street, having to scramble to change into something more masculine, and being hit on by two kids that had been trying to actually hit me before this, I'd arrived! Now all I had to do was relax, and enjoy myself. But not to act LIKE myself. I wanted to impress her, after all! So I'd go back, sit next to that sweet nice girl who'd been kind enough to wait to the last minute for me, and impress her! Wait, how was I supposed to do that? Girl's like poetry, right? Maybe I could say something about how her eyes were like the cobalt blue of a new born star, or how she dazzled me the way that Pythagorus and his triangles must have rocked the greeks, or how she's as sweet as candy... Ack, I couldn't buy her candy! I didn't have any money left!

"Watch doin'?"

"I'm just thinking, do you mind?" I snapped in automatic response to the voice, glancing up to see the front half of Ecila dangling over the stall door.

It took me a while of staring to realize that I had seen that, and that this hadn't been a repeat hallucination, because I was darn sure I'd told her before that dangling over a bathroom door in the men's restrooms was no place for a lady!

"You laying a Brown Jenkins in there, Josh?" she asked, watching curiously.

"I-WHAT?! No! Will you just leave me alone for FIVE minutes, I-...wait, you vanish the second cops show up and when I'm getting crapped on by life in a situation I'd feasibly, ACTUALLY need your help in, but you show up DAYS later once I'm IN the crapper and absolutely DON'T need you?!"

"Wah? Has it been that long already? Woops, major sorry there, Josh! Well, I'm here now, though! What's happening? Is starfish-people-world snack trays not agreeing with you? Ooh, you smell nice!" she said, despite the fact we were both in a restroom stall, and commenting on scents wasn't something you wanted people to hear you doing.

Annoyed, I pulled my pants up, got up and left the stall to go wash my hands, as my initial business in the stall had been completed.

"Just forget it! I don't wanna hear about it unless you found a way to get my man parts back!" Realizing I should've phrased that differently, I grimaced at the looks I was getting from the two or three other men that were busy doing restroom things, and explained to them as I suddenly felt compelled to do so, "...not like that."

They could have, however, been looking at me oddly for completely different reasons. I was talking to a girl in the boys bathroom. Maybe they were eyeing her? Or maybe they were freaking out because the entire room looked like it was part ancient forgotten tomb, with glowing runes lining the walls that I half suspect had nothing to do with who to call for a good time, nor was it a gentle reminder to wash your hands, as was the customary sort of literature that decorated bathroom walls.

Somehow, I figured I was the only one seeing that, though.

"And what've I told you about going into the guys bathroom? Huh?"

She sniffled slightly, sliding off the door she'd perched on and landed in a crouch, then composed herself and straightened her glasses. "Geez, Josh. I was just checking up on you. There's no need to snap." She continued straightening her glasses, giving a man standing up before a urinal a weirdly intense look. "Hey Josh, that guy's got a vienna sausage! Are we allowed to bring food in here? I'm so munching on olives next time I visit you!"

As the man in question grumbled, zipped up, and left without washing his hands, I carefully adjusted the sock like bulge in the front of my pants and walked up to the sink. It took me a few moments staring at it to realize it wasn't really a phallic shaped altar of twitching flesh as the subtle other-worldly haze about it implied, before I turned it on and started to vigorously scrub my hands without looking down.

Frustrated, I turned and hissed at her. "Don't give me that 'just checking on you' bit! Did you or did you not find a way to solve my problem?"

"Hmf. As a matter of fact, I did come here concerning a matter of grave importance." Briefly she lifted her glasses up, and squinted. "Oh hey, we're in a weird grave place- what a coincidence. Say, where's your glasses?"

"Ah, you can see that too? What the heck is going on! It was totally different before with demon trees and angry floating eels, now it's like this! WHY is it like this?"

She snickered at me, as if I wasn't quite getting a joke. "Josh, of course stuff looks different now. It's now, now. It's not THEN, now, is it? Now is now and then is then, this sort of stuff is always shifting around. You expect everywhere to stay still just for you?"

"W-well no, but... hey! Stop changing the subject!" I turned from the mirror, convinced this time I'd gotten the rest of that cursed face glitter off me, and realizing I wasn't going to un-pink my nails no matter how much I scrubbed. There were, however, other folks in here, and Ecila, at least, was drawing more than enough attention to make me feel self-conscious. So I whispered at her angrily, "Have you or have you not found a way to turn me back?!"

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, placing a finger over them. "Well, that's the interesting part. I was looking into it, and it was looking sorta tricky and really weird and complicated looking, I mean, more so than I thought it would be, so I asked a few of my friends."

I drew back involuntarily. "F-friends...? Friends, like those starfish people that gave me those snacks that made my stomach growl like a hyper Chihuahua? ...Hey, WHY would it be so hard to change me back? You switched all the gear down there in a matter of minutes, last time!"

Smiling brightly, the short brown haired girl gave a pert nod. "That's right! Well, not those friends specifically, I know this guy... errr, well, girl... well... I suppose gender is sort of a moot point in this particular instance. I know this entity who kind of thought staying in one corporeal shape was really gay, and who had the whole body changing thing pretty much down to an art but that didn't like staying in one place so long so its usually in a bunch of different places at once, so I asked for its opinion. And this is a totally different trick than what I did before! Last time that was how you were supposed to be, and I knew pretty much how everything down there was supposed to go! So I talked to this person..."

My eyebrows lifted hopefully. "Y-yah?"

"Well, it was weird. Josh, can I ask you a question?"

I tried not to imagine what Ecila would consider weird, and replied, "Yah, well, you just did, didn't you?"

"Ooh, conversational cleverness! I so missed auditory communication! It's so much fun!" Grinning impishly up at me, Ecila, took out a small notebook and a pen, and started to jot down some notes.

"...The heck are you doing?"

"Oh, I was writing that one down. It's soooo clever! I'm gunna try to use it later. Right after I find the opportunity to work in 'smell you later' to a conversation. That one made me giggle! But it's really funny when you're talking to a species that converses with scents, you see, ever since they discovered cents-"

Groaning, I leaned forwards and gently squeezed the side of her head with my hands and looked at her eye to eye. "Okay okay okay I get it! Genitals, Ecila! Think Genitals! Foooocus! What's the question?"

"The question?" she said, looking at me strangely.

"The QUESTION you wanted to ask me!"

"Oh! Well, I was just going to ask if you or your family had ever, by chance, visited a world of pure, constant itching."

"W-what?"

"That's what the place where my friend lives is like. I call it Sand-itch. Cuz it's sort of like itching with sand over every nerve in your body. It can kinda be fun! But sneezing is horribly messy"

I let her head go, and made a pair of fists at my side, trying to control my breathing. In and out, in and out, slowly, no need to get excited. Getting excited didn't help with Ecila. "...No. I am fairly certain I have not visited such a place now, or have I ever in the past, nor do I really feel the urge to do so in the near future."

The troubled look on her face worried me even more. "Well, that's weird..."

"W-why is that weird?"

"Because he knew you. I told him your name, and he was like "Gribblefritz! Bah-weep-graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong!""

I was staring, because when she spoke that last line, it sounded like it was coming out of the mouth of a burbling swamp. It didn't seem possible a girl barely 5 feet tall could manage so odd a noise. "Uh. Bless you."

"Huh? Oh, thanks, I suppose. But it's really not wise to go around blessing people unless you know what gods you're wishing blessings from, Josh. While most would find the well wishes of a goddess of fertility on your loins a boon, I think there are some that would be fairly freaked out if they suddenly started to reproduce asexually. It's just one of those things you have to consider!"

"...So that thing you said, what does it MEAN?"

Tilting her head, she thought about it for a while, then said, "The gist of it is he, well, they knew your name, and seemed to know something about you, and seemed to really like you. Which I thought was a little weird, because it seems like they've known your name for a long time, and I only just ran into you last week!" Frowning at that thought, she reached into the wall - which promptly sputtered with violet light where her hand vanished, and drew back an olive-like fruit which she popped in her mouth. "Weird, huh?"

Thankfully, most of the people that had been milling about in the restroom had finally left, so there wasn't anyone around to witness my little friend in the late 19th century clothing reach into a wall and violate the laws of science with a white cotton glove while telling it to bend over and hit the high notes.

"...Yah. Weird. So you can't turn me back into a guy right now, right?"

Sighing, Ecila patted me on the cheek. "Josh, don't be in such a rush all the time! You've got to learn to lay back and enjoy life as it comes on you! Err." She paused, taking out her little notebook again, and flipped through it. "...TO you. You've got to learn to lay back and enjoy life a it comes TO you. Oops! Oh, but no, not yet. But I'm getting closer! You don't mess with stuff like this without knowing as much as you can about it. You go messing around with stuff that isn't prone to changing itself, and it might snap off! I think some of us know how that is more than others. I think a little research into your family history might help illuminate matters, and then it's only a matter of putting the right bits in the right holes."

Though she was smiling confidently at me, I felt none of this confidence radiating from her like a virtual suns light on myself to comfort my misgivings. "Well why YOU'RE out reading up my family tree, I'm GROWING new bits! I'm getting breasts, Ecila! On me! Boobs!" Accusingly, I pointed at my chest.

"Ah, a case of booby, hm?" Suddenly she was tugging her proper looking white gloves on her hands a bit tighter in a way that made me cringe and flash back to uncomfortable hospital encounters. "You're hiding it pretty well! Lemme have a look see to see how bad it is. Have you started getting cups? Because that's really when the fun starts happening, when you get a cup."

"Gah! Just go! Go do whatever it is you have to do, and don't come back unless you're going to do something HELPFUL and not screw my life up any more than it's already screwed!"

Chastising me with a soft glare, the girl waved a finger. "Josh, language, language! Nobody likes a potty mouth!" She eyed the empty stalls. "Even other potties! Hmf, but if you don't want anything else, I suppose I can just get going. Since you don't NEED me. Hmf."

Despite what she had said, all she had done was to turn her back on me and fold her arms, and make little sniffling noises.

I scowled. There was no way I was going to let an elementary school level attempt at a guilt trip work on me.

"I was just... just worried about you. I thought you'd want an update. I didn't think you'd snap at me like that, and start cursing..."

"...H-hey now, I didn't snap..."

"There was snapping."

"But I..."

"I feel snapped at."

Clicking my tongue, I glared at my scowling reflection in the scratched up restroom mirror. "...Sorry."

"What was that?"

"...Said I was sorry."

Sniffling, she half turned, and looked back at me from the corner of her eyes.
"You're starry? You do kinda glitter. Have you gone radioactive since last we talked, Josh?"

"...I SAID, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. Okay?"

"Was that really so hard, Josh? Honestly, showing a little politeness in life will get you so much farther than being short tempered and impatient."

"Actually, there is something non-genital related you could help me with."

She instantly brightened up, smiling and folding her hands together. "Oh yah? What is it?"

"Can I borrow a few bucks?"

"Eh? You want male deer, Josh? Is this part of the human mating ritual?"

"Dollars! I want a few dollars, so I can get her something from the snack bar!"

"Hmm." Cupping her chin, Ecila frowned at me doubtfully. "I suppose I could... LEND you... a few dollars of the local currency. What do they use here, anyway? And her who? Are you hiding me from someone?" She started to say, as she took out a small coin purse that started to glow a dull violet from inside when she opened it, hand hovering above the gaping opening into an abyss of horrors I couldn't guess at, wiggling her fingers in anticipation.

Blinking, and then blinking again, I stared at the weird coin pouch she'd produced, feeling my insides repulsed by the very unnatural nature of the thing in so natural a setting.

"Money...? Dollars...? Little green pieces of paper?" I ventured to ask, nervously.

"Pieces of paper...?" she repeated, mystified. "I think I saw some rolled up in that stall you were just in."

"Yah, we... you know what, never mind."

"Oh no, don't worry, I can totally do this! I think I've heard of this money! It comes in the giant sacks with the S shape and the two lines through it, and doesn't grow on trees, right?"

Laughing nervously, I patted her on the head and made for the exit. "No, it's fine, I'll just make up an excuse."

Sounding genuinely disappointed, she pouted at me. "Oh, alright. Tell me how it goes when you're finished wooing this young lass, okay? I've got a bet going with the twins on how human babies are made. Ooh, wait, gimme a hint, where's the males ovipositor fit in?"

"What-"

"Ack!" She interrupted,"No don't tell me! I'll just figure it out! Cheating isn't fair, anyway. But betting with multi tiered intelligences is a scream! Anyhow Josh, smell you later!"

"..."

The high pitched horror-movie loud screams of terror from the hallway alerted the remaining three women sprawled about the living room and cooing to the blinking black hairless kitten that something was amiss in the house of Gillman.

The yelps of,"Let me go!" and, "That's disgusting!" had them on their feet and scrambling to see what exactly was happening. By the time the three scantily clad women moved into the relative darkness of the hallway, they were shocked at the sight of two of their number wrestling and more underdressed than they had been in a mortal struggle with bizarre, squirming tentacles that wouldn't have been out of place on a giant squid. Though, these were all black, and slimy, and without suction cups, and the light from the open restroom cast a ghastly flashing illumination across the scene as the moving things crisscrossed in the glow, giving the impression of an off-beat strobe light throbbing like a heart beat in a strange mist that ushered out from the bathroom.

The squirming tentacles closest to the three startled women all seemed to raise in the air with apparent interest, the tips then twisted to point towards them, and dart out to entrap the squealing coeds, rope like appendages entwined about their legs with a monstrous grip.

The creature moved fast when it enveloped the women, and snaked up far enough to curl about their panties and under their shirts until it had a firm enough grip, then fiercely it ripped the clothing from their nubile, struggling, slime coated bodies, yanking the shreds of their clothing back into the foggy light of the restroom.

Schroedinger, the black fleshed shoggoth-lord's offspring, taken to the guise of a harmless kitten, sat amongst their discarded pillows and hastily spilt drinks in as calm and indifferent a manner as one would expect from a creature of feline influence, watching with half lidded yellowish eyes as the struggling women were all pulled into the hallway. It calmly tilted its head, and peered into the flickering light and shadow of the hallway, raising what passed for its nose into the air and inhaling a few times.

Then one wriggling, panty devouring tentacle peeked around the corner in turn, Eating into the carpet as it went, tearing into its surroundings, and making motions towards the passive feline.

The slick black feline creature's eyes widened at the sight of the multiplying tendrils, and it's small feline maw opened in a appetizing, fanged grin that spread ear to ear. It then approached the spaghetti like mess of tentacles at a steady trot, licking its chops with a long black tongue.

The inhuman screams of sheer mind-shattering horror that echoed out from the Gillman house that night would be the stuff of nightmares for all that heard it, for months to come.

"Geesh Josh, you look as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of cat eating rocking chairs." She whispered to me as I took my seat, as the movie had already started. "Hey, where's the junior mints?"

"Ah, s-sorry, they were all out," I glumly admitted as I sunk next to her, my hands in my lap.

She shrugged one shoulder up in indifference and smiled at me. "Oh. Ah well, that's alright... ah, you missed the intro."

I sat up a little, smiling at her. "Yah? What happened?"

"Well..." she started to say, when someone a few rows back shushed at her. She sighed, and leaned in closer to my ear to whisper in a quieter voice, and my heart skipped a beat. "Well, Lady Lightning was just fighting this weird tentacle monster from mars or something that ripped off her top and-"

I turned immediately, my face feeling hot. "It did what-" I started to say, when I found she'd leaned a little closer than I'd thought she had, and more so found my lips lightly, and involuntarily pressed to hers.

Both of us seemed to go still, frozen in that moment that ours lip touched, and we slowly came to the inevitable realization that we had just kissed, and that we were in fact still kissing.

An instant later, a million useless thoughts rushed through my head; this is nice! Wow, her mouths so soft. Did I remember to take a breath mint earlier? Oh god, do I stink? She smells nice. Oh wait, that's my perfume -and were slowly overpowered by the single most compelling one of them all; Oh my god, I was kissing her!

Kissing? Yes. I, Joshua Andrews Gillman, was kissing a girl! Me! Kissing! A hot girl! That I liked! This was the greatest day of my life! It didn't even matter that like fifty demonic eyes on trashy red theater seats had been leering at us the whole time! They could watch, for all I cared!

Neither of us seemed very put off by this idea, because soon we found our eyes were closed, and both of us had come to enjoy the sensation of our warm lips pressed against one another, parted ever so slightly. I assure you, if I still had my original equipment right then, my pants would have been as unfitting an enclosure for it as a pup tent trying to conceal an angry sasquatch.

"Are you... are you wearing cherry-chapstick?" Beth questioned me in a husky tone, after we'd kissed for what felt like an eternity, but for what was probably no more than twenty or thirty seconds.

I looked at her with a stunned expression, my mind once more attempted to form coherent thoughts. "Ah, I... n-no, I mean, it's... y-yeah...?"

She looked at me intently, licking her lips. "Hmn. I sorta like it... kinda reminds me of lip-gloss, a little."

I felt cornered, nearly, and was so stunned by her casual observation that I didn't move when I saw her leaning in again for another kiss. The theater was probably darker than both of us realized, because as she leaned in her hand slipped on the armrest and went straight to fall on my junk.

You know, if I had a junk still, instead of my place-holder of a sock. Or, a junk-sock, as I sometimes liked to call it.

She fumbled, and I squeaked in more of girlish manner than I'd care to admit as she drew back suddenly, her mouth opened to make a hasty apology and then closed just as quickly when she looked downwards, light from the screen flashed with the force of Lady Lightnings patented laser guided lightning blasts, illuminating my lap and my slightly raised shirt, and then at her hand, and then back at me with a mystified expression.

"J-josh, I... This is going to sound like a really weird question, but... are you hiding a sock, or something, in your pants...?"

Mortified, I felt all that blood that'd been heating my face and other parts I dare not mention turn to ice water in my veins. "I... I..."

"And... you're wearing... are you wearing panties?" her voice treating the last word as if it were a snake in her garden.

She went silent then, and shrunk back into her seat and while giving me an uncertain, worried look, her hand raised to touch her mouth.

My mind raced as I tried to come up with an explanation. This wasn't supposed to happen! How was I supposed to know her hand would be down my pants on the first date?! Granted, normally, that would have been awesome in any other kind of circumstance. "Ah, it's... it's.. you see...! I... I can explain everything!" I frantically babbled, and then whispered when that same person seated somewhere behind us shushed at us again, this time with back-up.

Her look of worry didn't fade when she responded, and happened to glance down at my chest. "I think I know what's going on."

I swallowed, and drew back, my gaze dropping along with hers. The theater was cool as I'd noted earlier, and it wasn't just the tomb like air my other senses were picking up. I realized with a start that there were two rather prominent points of argument against my airs of being of the masculine gender I'd been putting out protruding through the thick shirt I'd purchased. Irregardless of that, this wasn't quite what I had hoped to hear. "Y-you do?"

She sighed slightly, putting a hand to her face and turning away. "I just don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. It makes perfect sense, now."

My voice broke when I tried to explain myself. "W-what? Wait, I don't think this is what you think... I... think. I'm not gay, or anything! There's a perfectly reasonable - well okay not perfect, or reasonable, but there's a reason!"

Smiling at me pitifully, she let out a laugh. "I know. You're a girl, aren't you?"

I felt every eye in the theater on me just then. Well, every eye that was weirdly super-imposed over the image of strangely rock like chairs, but those had been watching me since I'd walked in. "No, it's not like... I... I mean... I... yes, but... how'd you... it's temporary!"

Beth did something then that made me cringe. She winced. "Josh... um, whatever your name is..."

"It's Josh...! Beth, listen, I'm not some weirdo, I promise...!"

"Yah, uh... listen, I think you're sweet, but I think there's been some misunderstanding between us. I like you, but I'm not... into... girls. And to be honest, I sort of thought you were a guy."

"T-that's the thing!" I whispered frantically, "I've only been a girl recently! Please, you gotta believe me!"

"Look... I don't know what your issue is, trying to dress yourself up like a guy... or if you were just dressing normal, and I made a mistake... it's okay, really. I don't hate you or anything! Hey, maybe we can still be friends? I'm just... I'm not attracted to other girls, Josh. I'm sure you're going through some weird changes and all with puberty, and you're cute, but..."

I began to sink into my seat, a pitiful wine escaping my lips. This was not how I imagined my first date would go. What was I supposed to tell her? That I was a mutant, and that I'd suddenly turned into a girl because of a crazy girl with a ghost rabbit from another dimension? That I'd probably magically turn back into the manly imposing figure she had first thought I'd been? Shoot, I didn't even believe half of it, and it'd happened to me! It could have been worse, I guess. She hadn't screamed "freak!" at me when she'd found out.

She gently patted my hand in an awkward effort to comfort me. "Hey, it's okay. I wont tell anyone if you don't want me too, okay? If it's any consolation, you're a really sweet kisser. I don't know if you're into guys, or what, but I'm sure you'll make some guy out there feel real lucky to have you, one day!"

I didn't really feel the need to peddle my way home with the same voracity as I'd had when I made my way to the theater earlier that evening, when I'd had hopes of having my dwindling masculinity validated like so much bad parking, so I was quietly walking my bike home. Which was fine with me, as I rather needed time to think.

The rest of the date had been as awkward and excruciating as one might imagine after she'd discovered my problem. I couldn't think of anything to say, so we pretty much sat there in silence watching the rest of the movie before she wished me good luck, gave me a hug, and we went our separate ways.

As a whole, the entire day had been more disappointing than most. But on the up side, I hadn't had my ass kicked, nor had I ended up trapped in a different world while being chased or violated by alien entities. On the other hand, any intimate relationship I'd ever hoped to have in the near future with a certain pretty blonde fellow female student seemed impossible, now, as she thought I was some kind of weird cross-dressing lesbian. Even if I got my junk back, how could I possibly prove it in a way that wouldn't be utterly weird and humiliating? She did, however, say we could be 'friends' at the end of it all, and promised to call me.

I let out a sigh, and kicked at a twig that crossed my path. I felt depressingly hollow by the time I'd rounded my home block and set eyes on my house, which I expected to be patiently waiting for me, to allow me to crawl into the cave like silence of my room and sleep my troubles away.

That, however, was not to be.

What greeted my eyes as I neared my home was not a warm hearth nor a plate of warm cookies. The lights of emergency vehicles flashed in the driveway and down the street in much the same manner as that day I'd come crashing home. Several police cruisers, an ambulance, and a mysterious looking black van with several black government vehicles were all blocking off the street and creating a spectacle on the front lawn of my home, and had gathered enough gawking neighbors to really get me worried.