Reading Material!

Folks on the Discord probably recall that I've got various projects in progress with the intent to query or self-publish.  But before they get to that point, I really could use new eyes on them to point out when and where I'm getting things wrong.

Not so much punctuation, spelling, or grammar (though if I get too fancy with the weird little side-rules, call me out on it), but in general when things don't work for you or you think they could be done better.

I'm not sure how many items I'll link in from Drive, but this will be the main thread for any commentary on many different items in the future, most likely.

--- The Stories ---

Mer Manoa, Book 1 docs.google.com/document/d/1RYT79IAehrnU...7&rtpof=true&sd=true
Mer Manoa, Book 2 docs.google.com/document/d/1EjFyZy0gbvpG...7&rtpof=true&sd=true

For reference, Mer Manoa is a mermaid-centric story that I originally started circa 2010, worked slowly through to its fourth canto, then put on hiatus for most of a decade.

I started it up again three MerMays ago, writing the fifth and sixth cantos, but I wasn't happy with the state of the first three since they were, all together, shorter than Canto V.

So this year I went back and rewrote the entire first book (three cantos) of the story. The word count went from just over 50k to currently 72k.

I have a slight interest on mermaid stories, so I might have a stab at it. Don't hold your breath (pun unintended) for a quick turnaround, though.

Any time you can, later or sooner, is no problem

I wouldn't be doing anything with this particular series until I have the latter half close to completion, and that's... probably another 250,000 words down the line.

Hmm, so should the link be Whoever has the Link can comment? Because I can only look right now...

OR do we Request Access?

The last pair are soon to be connected.
They are soon to be met.

"to be met" sounds weird? Like, obviously you mean they're gonna meet each other, but it sounds like a third party is meeting them. The Weaver? If so, this is the first indication that she's gonna be an actor, not an observer.

It's weird, but is it *too* weird? Hmm... Oh, it could be the audience who will meet them soon! That'd be cool use of words!

The starting canticles shade weirder on the grammar than most of the narrative, lol. But there are definitely some odd turns of phrase that I enjoyed too much here.

Also the fun and games of removing every single foot-related noun, verb, adjective, and phrase... Weird vocabulary choices abound.

Also, I got tired of managing the link privileges again, lol. It's easier to manage notes in a single thread than scrolling through almost 300 pages of text.

Finished up Book 2 at a whole bunch of words, and I'm calling a break to this project. Book 3 is going to take a lot more reworking. Maybe next MerMay...

There is a certain epic quality to the work. I found it a bit hard to connect to Canto I, though I stuck with the story and I'm glad I did.

Probably the hardest pieces to connect to were Verses I and IV. I understand why they were presented in the disconnected format, but that lack of connection made it harder to latch onto the thread. That said, I'm not certain there's a better way to show the situation, rather than telling it. It might be possible to pick up the story with the attack by the pod on Ardenne and her mother, but that would take away from some of the suspense that is built as the reader learns about the past as her temporary amnesia fades. Verse III might serve as a slightly better hook as it tempts the reader with a future journey. However, re-weaving the story lines would probably be a headache and a half.

Speaking of storyline weaving, I think the need to weave three different lines together may weaken Canto I slightly. Part of the weakness may be the need to juggle the three storylines in the mind as you shift from one to another. This settled down when two of the main threads merged. As with my first piece of criticism, I'm not certain there's a better way of doing things.

As far as Book 3 is concerned, I can guess at some of the plot points that might be hit. However, the point of telling a story is the journey and not the destination. While I can guess at what the climax of the series might be, there is a joy in swimming along with the protagonists and dodging the plot twists that are encountered along the way. Hopefully NaNoWriMo and/or next year's MerMay will energize your muse.

A headache and a half, indeed. This project began with a complete overhaul of the first four verses, including rearranging the order, splitting and merging sections, and rewriting the twins' segments from base principles because of worldbuilding changes.

That's half the reason I put the Canticles in, to be honest. The first page warns the reader that this next bit is the beginning, and that not everyone begins at the same place even if they're all going to meet up eventually.

Hm... might consider a rewrite on the Canticle to make that more strongly implied...

I am always willing to hear what guesses you have, though I won't confirm or deny anything

Also, any requests for future reading material? I have a list!

-- mythic fantasy journey narrative
-- three chapters / short stories in a gonzo post-apocalyptic world
-- monster of the week
-- social dystopia
-- RenPunk alchemy (ends abruptly and I need to get back on this, but...)
-- Japanese animal tales