New? Arriving? (09 Aug 2021)
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Slipping Away by Domoviye
Slipping Away
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Micro scenes and bad ideas are freely adoptable
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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- Posts: 288
- Thank you received: 253
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Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Slipping Away comments
Adavia Taylor is being told by her mother to pick up a present for her brother, 3 years old and they go on so much about it she couldn't possibly forget, seesh. Bwahaha, take the shark for a walk, nice way to see if she is listening. Good big sister, I hope nothing happens to Felix.Kingston, Ontario, Canada
October 5th, 2016
9th grade Halloween dance and going with friends, Ada might dance with a boy if asked, and her father has taught her well how to deal with boys who cross the line. Cute nurse outfit, if only she knew what real nurses have to put up with.
Aww, afraid she screwed up her math exam and freaking out. And she has a crush on a guy named Micheal, Chloe sure gets good gossip. Ouch, Ilsa has an ego on her. Talking about getting Felix a gift and the ceiling explodes above them, and Ilsa is severely injured, crap. Make that dead, nooo!
Ada is in shock and thinks she can keep Ilsa alive, poor girl lost her friend and is trying to cope. A freaking black dragon is the cause of this, Chloe, keep dragging Ada to safety as fast as you can. The costumed man in blue and white fighting the dragon saves them by going on the offensive, but now the ceiling is on fire.
Ada and Chloe made it to the toy store, but now the shock has worn off and the pain hits Ada. Fearless, the superhero and strongest in the city, has the dragon on its back as he wails on it, but gets blasted by its firey breath and severely hurt. Yet he still fights on, whoa.
Pillar took out and now the ceiling begins to collapse, they have to get out of there. Ada is in bad shape and can't move, Chloe cries for help and Fearless is distracted as he looks at them, getting slammed by the dragon once more. The place is falling apart and Ada is too tired to even be scared at this point.
She tries to get Chloe to leave her as the ceiling is breaking apart, a large chunk comes falling towards them, and a large man saves them, way too close. Rebar pierced through her and the man's stomach, crap, I won't ask how this can get any worse. This is a nightmare situation.
Neal Taylor and his wife Rebecca are among the people packing the room. It was a supervillain attack and it left dozens injured or dead. *tries to hold in dinner* 25-year-old man and from the sounds he lost someone, I hope the supervillain is executed for this. Biohazard risk, don't tell me the hero who saved Ada and Chloe is a regenerator of 3 or higher and now so is Ada or something like that.Kingston General Hospital
Dr. Wong from the Ministry of Supernatural Affairs and Fearless is a high-level regenerator, crud, I was right. Rebecca faints at the news of a possible regen clone, this can't get any worse. And Neal gets dizzy upon hearing what a regen clone is, just one of the potential horrors of having regeneration. The best-case scenario still leaves Ada as a male against her will. Therapists help, good, the government agencies there help victims.
Chloe wakes up Ada, she is in rough shape but will live, good. Aww, Chloe snuck in to make sure Ada was okay, such a good friend. Poor Ilsa, that shouldn't happen to anyone. Oh crap! Ada is having memories from Fearless mixed with her own, noooo! Thinking that Chloe is his girlfriend, Katherine, what she does with Chloe and how Chloe reacts snaps her back, but for how long until there is nothing of Ada left?
Chloe thinks Ada is confused from the medication, says goodbye, and leaves, oh boy. *blushes bright red at what Ada does next* This is bad, very bad.
Felix and Andrea, she thinks she has a younger sister named Andrea, more of Fearless' memories mixing with her own. Memories mixing, things are fuzzy for Ada, this is breaking my heart to read.Kingston General Hospital
October 6th, 2016
And now her memories of Stephen Wong, her doctor, are mixing with memories of the same person from Fearless. And now she learns about getting Fearless' blood mixed with hers. She thinks it is cool that she will have powers and can be a superhero, but doesn't realize the repercussions yet. She doesn't want to be a boy, she is getting Fearless' memories, but they don't know if she will retain her own memories or not yet. Identity death like that is the same as death if not worse imo.
Recording on a camera to preserve memories of things that are important to Ada, an excellent idea. She is trying to fight against memory loss, she wants to live and is upset about all she is missing out on already. And she wishes she died quickly like Ilsa now. Please don't let her lose memories of who she really is.
Warren aka Fearless wishes to talk to Ada or her parents hoping he can help. Still so badly injured and recovering after the fight, at least Dr. Wong tries to reason with him about talking to Ada or her parents. Odiyan, so that is the dragon's name. Talked to Celine, don't tell me has a doctor who is a healer on call. Dang, Dr. Wong has a lot of power over Warren to make that kind of threat, at least it is for his own good. Andrea coming up for a visit, he needs to see Celine, and is off duty for a month, he sees Mrs. Taylor as he is leaving but wisely decides to avoid talking to her.
Ada now has Prince Pooky, her teddy bear, and how she is healing is forcing her to think about how she is changing, dang. Chloe showed up and now Ada has to have a tough talk with her. How she is changing into a regen clone of Fearless, getting his memories and losing her own. Wait, her being awake through the changes is different than others who have become regen clones, does that mean there is even a sliver of hope for her to retain some of her memories?
A video of Chloe talking about who Ada is, if only they could do more. Memories of how Chloe first met Ada and they became friends, this is heartbreaking.
Wakes up to Felix there, he didn't have his birthday because he wants Ada to be there for it, tear out my heart more, why doncha. Still thinks she has a little sister Andrea, hot right now.
*starts bawling*Ada sat up and pulled him onto her lap, finding it surprisingly easy to do. “Felix, can you tell me all the fun things we've done? I'd really like that, and Mom and Dad can record it.”
Odiyan is alive! Someone needs to end this monster already. Healing magic to get back on his feet in a week, can take the form of a black dragon, and kills without remorse. Good room in a luxury hotel, you murdered people and ruined lives! A collection like that, how long has he lived to amass all that?
Good, you deserve to lose everything. And now he wants to get Fearless' blood, twisted fiend doesn't seem enough for him.He went to look at what had been the pride of his collection, a genuine dragon skull. It had been in pristine condition, now it was a pitted and cracked thanks to that superhero. If he used it to transform again, it would break apart.
Noooo! Ada is slipping away even faster. And she doesn't remember her own parents now, tragic isn't strong enough. Oh good, snapped her back to Ada for the time being, but at this rate, she will be gone in a day or two at most. No...she remembers her parents, but not Felix now.
And the physical changes are more pronounced now. Memories mixing together and lost in the mix, this is a nightmare scenario for me, and it is taking all I have to keep reading this story.Kingston General Hospital
Early Morning
October 6th, 2016
This is the cruelest thing the universe can do, life may not be fair but to steal someone's identity from them in this way. It reminds me too much of people with certain psychological problems. Crud, she has fled the hospital and is on the run.
And she ends up at Warren's place, confused by the memories and Andrea has a PFG activated. Andrea knows about Ada, and Ada is having a breakdown because she doesn't know if she is Ada or Warren anymore. Ada wishes Warren had let her die, quick and painless compared to all this. She doesn't remember Ilsa or Chloe's name, death would be kinder than this fate.
What Ada could do to ruin Warren's life, her hearing her parents talk about regen clones and what typically happens with them.
Domo, you owe us one happy story after this one.“But there's a little voice. I'm sure it's mine. Saying that I can't. That I can't become a monster.” She fell to her knees crying. “I don't want to die.”
Neal refuses to let go of his child no matter how much she has changed, and her mother has as well. An injection to have her sleep through the rest of the changes, dang. Ada is gone and there was nothing that could be done.
And now another Warren is around, but with incomplete memories and knowledge of Fearless' life. Believes he is 14, quiet comfort there. Andrea is an engineer, interesting.Kingston General Hospital
October 9th, 2016
Ah, the age difference trying to make sense of his memories.“Dad is Christopher Hansley, he's forty-five and died in 2010. Mom is Mary Hansley, she's seventy-one.” His brain realized what he'd just said. “What? This doesn't make any sense.”
Crap, no wonder Ada became a complete regen clone of him as a teen.“Regeneration six. Internal energizer four.”
Dr. Wong has to tell 'Warren' they are the regen clone affected. Forcefield around the bed in case he was violent, wish we had the option here. Crud, he is trying to figure out who the person who became his regen clone was, not good.
Therapist now please before he gets any worse. All that food and he can eat almost all of it, regen and energizer burn through a ton of calories. Considers himself a murderer, get a therapist now!He snorted in disgust. “Yeah right. I stole a persons body, and I'm stealing someones memories. Pinocchio was more real than I am.”
Meaning and stability within his own mind, right now you need to rest and recover before trying heavy stuff like that. With all these memories, Fearless visited Whateley Academy but decided to go to a Canadian boarding school instead, rats. Oh, seeing a fight between Razorback and Bloodwolf would put anyone off from wanting to Whateley...except Ratel.
'Warren', Ada would have died Fearless hadn't tried to save her, it was bad luck the rebar pierced them both like that. All these questions and worries, the sooner he is in therapy the better. Pinocchio is a good choice for a name, open domain so Disney can't sue.
Andrea comes to visit Pino at the hospital, she has a good relationship with Warren by the way she acts toward Pino. Sane enough not to be watched all the time, and Dr. Huxley doesn't like his new name. Eh, screw him. Nail polish and makeup, so pieces of Ada are still in Pino if just a little.Kingston General Hospital
October 10th, 2016
Reasonable restrictions considering what Pino has been through. Don't want to stress Pino out too quickly so no visit from Warren for now, aww. A week or two until Pino can learn everything, I hope he can be patient until then. Upgrades on her car, mention of her being an engineer, is she a gadgeteer or Exemplar with the mental package?
Gadgeteer, souping up her ride like that, so cool. Dang, Pino has figured out the basics of who he was before. Pino needs something to grasp onto to keep her sanity or he is going to snap, relatable. Pino needs more therapy if he still thinks he murdered Ada, he had no choice in coming into existence. Living with Andrea, I wonder if Pino will end up at Whateley Academy.
No living with Warren is a wise move. Ah, Andrea brings up being sent to Whateley, which might be the best option out of all given. Aww, Andrea wishes she had gone to Whateley.
At least Pino has fallen into a good family and not become a regen clone of some scumbag.“As far as I'm concerned, you're family, and I don't abandon family. You can call me big sister, aunt, or just Andrea, whatever you're comfortable with.”
Good for Pino, do what feels right for you, and don't care what others think, as long as you aren't hurting others it shouldn't matter.Kingston General Hospital
October 11th, 2016
If only more people thought like her, and realized this about teens.“Nothing weird about it. You're figuring out what you like, and developing your own personal style. All teens do it at some point.”
Darn, having to relearn things sucks. A talk with Warren is stressful already for Pino, but he wants to push through and talk. Wait, he could have let Odiyan escape rather than force a fight and risk endangering others in the process, but Fearless fought him and kept fighting him rather than let him escape to save lives. At least that is how it seems to me. Sobbing and guilt-ridden, it was a theft, lives shouldn't have been lost to stop a theft.
Odiyan is spying on Fearless in the guise of a female nurse, overheard enough of what was told to Pino, and now plots to get Pino's blood, great, just great.
Wait...was that memory of Ada's still in Pino's mind? Is there a chance to recover her memories? Oh, a recording of Ada, rats. At least Pino is trying to remember Ada in his own way by watching the videos despite the pain it brings him.Kingston General Hospital
October 14th, 2016
Wishing to stay with Andrea for safety and stability. What the!?! How is Ada there, is Pino hallucinating? She ran for it and disappears around a corner before anyone else can see her. Is her mind messing with him or is Odiyan messing with him?
Going over potential names including Kit, nice name. Pino is sewing, there is a lot more of Ada in him than he realizes. Living in his own room, a large government settlement to get all those things, at least Pino is starting to get a life again. Time to meet the Taylors, oh boy, how will Felix react?Kingston
October 16th, 2016
Haunted by Ada or Odiyan screwing with Pino, I can't wait to find out which. Meeting with the Taylors like this is rough for both sides. Darn, Pino has those things from Ada but none of her memories.
Darn, got me tearing up again.“What happened to Ada was a tragedy,” Mrs. Taylor told him, “but you had nothing to do with it. Don't call yourself a murderer, and don't hurt yourself for existing. You have nothing to be sorry for, but if it helps, I want you know that I forgive you.”
Warren and Pino meet up in a gym, time for Pino to learn how to control his strength. Eep, that suit should be good in a clutch situation, but the injection is a last-ditch risk imo. Potent brick abilities especially combined with the regen. Get him some combat training under Ito and Pino will be a powerhouse. Juggling eggs to learn strength control, but Pino doesn't know how to stop, oof.Ministry of Supernatural Affairs Building
October 18th, 2016
Jump training and Pino tries for a long jump, but slams into the ceiling instead, ouch. And of course, he bleeds from the injury to his head and freaks out, good grief.
Of course, the regen blood that caused all this would freak Pino out. And Ada shows up again.
Yeah, I'm more and more convinced this is Odiyan messing with Pino to drive him into their hands.“You stole my body. My life,” the girl said. “Why does a fake like you get to live?”
Therapist's office and Pino revealed he was seeing Ada, I hope this doesn't set things back for Pino. Ah, details on the other two regen clones who ended up at Whateley. Therapy every day, they live in a world with magic and psychic powers, I wish they would ask for help to detect if it is something else first. A movie to relax, I wonder what they went to see.October 19th, 2016
In the restroom at the theater after the movie and 'Ada' is there again, this time knocking on the stall door, demanding to have her body back. Now I know it is Odiyan messing with him, it has to be.
The fact the hallucinations only happen when he is outside the apartment is proof they aren't true hallucinations imo. The Taylors as Pino's foster parents, oh boy.October 26th, 2016
Being driven into suicidal depression, I want Odiyan's head!“I don't know what to do. Does it even matter?” he asked.
Odiyan needs Pino's blood to repair the dragon skull, I was right! He has been trying to drive him to suicide, the blood has to be freely given, and he can't just kill Pino or it won't work. Using Ada's hairbrush to transform into her appearance, you monster!October 30th, 2016
Andrea has to go on a repair job and Warren coming to watch Pino, poor kid is a wreck thanks to Odiyan. That monster came for Pino in the hotel room! Trying to drive Pino into committing suicide, more hateful words. And magic directed at Pino on top of it. This is one of the most twisted things I've seen a supervillain pull.October 31st, 2016
Odiyan's plan backfires as Pino runs out of there in a panic, I hope Andrea or Warren find him soon. An ogre's tooth, going to cause more death and destruction. If Pino finds out who you are, that you caused all this, you are dead.
Shit! Odiyan intercepted the phone call to Warren, Warren never got the call, this is bad. Andrea is on the way back and Warren is ready to leap into action, please let them kill Odiyan and not just lock him up after all he has done.
Pino is still under an illusion spell and has no idea where he really is, great. Odiyan beating up Pino like this in ogre form, coward, bully, murderer, so low even a worm's belly is higher. All to get Pino to kill himself, monsters like Odiyan need to be put down hard. And Pino fights back and the ogre is hurt.
10--81, Caution H means violent altercation with something not human, nice to see the authorities have codes for such things. Go, Fearless, go! This isn't like last time.
Pino beating up the ogre, but taking a beating himself, thank you for regeneration. Nice way to escape, but Pino needs to practice his jumping and landing. Great, Odiyan has turned into a unicorn now. Oof, pierced by a unicorn horn and Odiyan keeps charging him through things. Pino's regeneration is slowing down, this is horrible. Odiyan was going to torture him for an hour, but Warren shows up. Time to take this creep down hard.
Punching the dome over and over despite the damage he is doing to him, Fearless is wearing it down and it will soon break. Great, Odiyan turns into a phoenix. Badly burned once more, Fearless is in terrible shape as he continues to weather the intense flames and heat from the phoenix form. Fearless wrecks Odiyan's phoenix form, but is in worse shape than before. I hope he survives all this.
Oh boy, Pino knows it was Odiyan who was messing with him in Ada's form this whole time and is seeing red. Pino shatters his jaw after Odiyan escapes Fearless, and in a show of who he truly is spares Odiyan's life because he isn't a murderer. Andrea is on her way, I hope she has more help with her.
Kit Ada Hansley, good name. And the final video from Ada, she wants him to do something good with his life that makes her death worthwhile. Darn it, tearing up again.Kingston, Ontario
November 10th
Former mom is now Aunt Rebecca and Kit is now off to Whateley Academy. Always there to help him. Already has holdouts from Warren, which is a good start plus taking the martial arts class is always a smart move.Kingston, Ontario, Canada
August 2017
Okay, you got one laugh out of me.“It's school, how tough can it be?”
BIttersweet with what has happened.“I will. I won't forget anyone.”
This started out with a story of a girl going to get a present for her little brother. It turned into a horror story during that fight and continued through a lot of the story, identity death is one of my greatest fears so this one hit hard for me. Ada losing her identity slowly, her very self, made this hard to finish reading, but good.
Watching Ada go through her identity loss, then for Pino/Kit to deal with their new life and what Odiyan caused and the torture he inflicted on them was a heartbreaking trip, but interesting to watch. With his new life, I hope Kit can start building it into what he wants it to be from this point on.
But please, no more this intense for a long time. At least not another identity death story like this, I can only read those once every couple of years without emotional overload hitting.
Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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- Posts: 288
- Thank you received: 253
Her name is Isla. It's a Scottish name, after the island of Islay.Aww, afraid she screwed up her math exam and freaking out. And she has a crush on a guy named Micheal, Chloe sure gets good gossip. Ouch, Ilsa has an ego on her. Talking about getting Felix a gift and the ceiling explodes above them, and Ilsa is severely injured, crap. Make that dead, nooo!
How to show a character is tough? Have them fist fight a dragon and take a face full of flame.Ada and Chloe made it to the toy store, but now the shock has worn off and the pain hits Ada. Fearless, the superhero and strongest in the city, has the dragon on its back as he wails on it, but gets blasted by its firey breath and severely hurt. Yet he still fights on, whoa.
She tries to get Chloe to leave her as the ceiling is breaking apart, a large chunk comes falling towards them, and a large man saves them, way too close. Rebar pierced through her and the man's stomach, crap, I won't ask how this can get any worse. This is a nightmare situation.
This is actually the first thing I thought of when I came up with this plot idea a while ago. Hero tries to save a person, they get speared as a building collapses.
I wanted to show that this was a mass tragedy, not just a family tragedy. Glad it worked.Neal Taylor and his wife Rebecca are among the people packing the room. It was a supervillain attack and it left dozens injured or dead. *tries to hold in dinner* 25-year-old man and from the sounds he lost someone, I hope the supervillain is executed for this.
Fearless is part of the government. They want to keep things kind of hushed, to avoid a panic or backlash. So they bring in their own specialist, therapists, and a large settlement.Dr. Wong from the Ministry of Supernatural Affairs and Fearless is a high-level regenerator, crud, I was right. Rebecca faints at the news of a possible regen clone, this can't get any worse. And Neal gets dizzy upon hearing what a regen clone is, just one of the potential horrors of having regeneration. The best-case scenario still leaves Ada as a male against her will. Therapists help, good, the government agencies there help victims.
I wasn't sure how to do this scene at first. It took a while to work out the changing pronouns, old GF, etc. Once I thought of it though, I knew it was perfect and needed to use it a few times.Chloe wakes up Ada, she is in rough shape but will live, good. Aww, Chloe snuck in to make sure Ada was okay, such a good friend. Poor Ilsa, that shouldn't happen to anyone. Oh crap! Ada is having memories from Fearless mixed with her own, noooo! Thinking that Chloe is his girlfriend, Katherine, what she does with Chloe and how Chloe reacts snaps her back, but for how long until there is nothing of Ada left?
Chloe thinks Ada is confused from the medication, says goodbye, and leaves, oh boy. *blushes bright red at what Ada does next* This is bad, very bad.
The final part just drove home how confused she is, with part of her brain utterly detached from what she'd just gone through.
Another part that just felt right as I was writing it. It also made me cry.Felix and Andrea, she thinks she has a younger sister named Andrea, more of Fearless' memories mixing with her own. Memories mixing, things are fuzzy for Ada, this is breaking my heart to read.
She didn't really think it's cool. She just knew from how everyone was acting that something bad was happening and her mind latched onto the one possible upside.And now she learns about getting Fearless' blood mixed with hers. She thinks it is cool that she will have powers and can be a superhero, but doesn't realize the repercussions yet. She doesn't want to be a boy, she is getting Fearless' memories, but they don't know if she will retain her own memories or not yet. Identity death like that is the same as death if not worse imo.
And yeah, identity death terrifies me. I was looking at my own demons when I wrote this story.
I asked my daughter what she would do if she was in this situation. She said, "I'd write down everything about me."Recording on a camera to preserve memories of things that are important to Ada, an excellent idea. She is trying to fight against memory loss, she wants to live and is upset about all she is missing out on already. And she wishes she died quickly like Ilsa now. Please don't let her lose memories of who she really is.
Sounded good to me, and it matched what some people with terminal illnesses do. It also let me drive in the screws a little bit more to get even more tears from people.
At first I was going to have more scenes with OG Warren. But as I was writing this, it just didn't seem right. This was Ada's and Pino's story.Warren aka Fearless wishes to talk to Ada or her parents hoping he can help. Still so badly injured and recovering after the fight, at least Dr. Wong tries to reason with him about talking to Ada or her parents. Odiyan, so that is the dragon's name. Talked to Celine, don't tell me has a doctor who is a healer on call. Dang, Dr. Wong has a lot of power over Warren to make that kind of threat, at least it is for his own good. Andrea coming up for a visit, he needs to see Celine, and is off duty for a month, he sees Mrs. Taylor as he is leaving but wisely decides to avoid talking to her.
And Dr. Wong is a pretty high level official in the ministry. In the field, Fearless can order him to do many things. But when it comes to medical stuff, including psychological health, Stephen can order an evaluation and get him off the street in less than an hour. They don't want an unbalanced or dangerous hero running around.
So far every regen cloning shown has had the person asleep or unconscious. So I decided to make that the norm. I kept Ada awake because I'm a cruel heartless bastard that wants to wring as many tears out of people (including me) as possible.. Wait, her being awake through the changes is different than others who have become regen clones, does that mean there is even a sliver of hope for her to retain some of her memories?
A video of Chloe talking about who Ada is, if only they could do more. Memories of how Chloe first met Ada and they became friends, this is heartbreaking.
I went through a lot of tissue on this part. Especially when I kept having Ada call her best friend Katherine.
How to tell Felix about this was another tough scene. He needed to know, and I refused to just do a cop out about them telling him previously. So I read up on how to tell a young child someone is dying, and went with the mostly direct method.Wakes up to Felix there, he didn't have his birthday because he wants Ada to be there for it, tear out my heart more, why doncha. Still thinks she has a little sister Andrea, hot right now.
*starts bawling*Ada sat up and pulled him onto her lap, finding it surprisingly easy to do. “Felix, can you tell me all the fun things we've done? I'd really like that, and Mom and Dad can record it.”
If I'd wanted to make the story longer and even more heart wrenching, I'd have had Felix appear later on saying "I'm never going to have a party, because I told Ada I wouldn't until she came home." But I was on a schedule and there were some changes made that would have made it clunky.
I needed to get in more physical and psychological horror somehow. And keeping him around let me bring in 'ghosts'.Odiyan is alive! Someone needs to end this monster already. Healing magic to get back on his feet in a week, can take the form of a black dragon, and kills without remorse.
...
Good, you deserve to lose everything. And now he wants to get Fearless' blood, twisted fiend doesn't seem enough for him.
Yep. That was what I was aiming for.This is the cruelest thing the universe can do, life may not be fair but to steal someone's identity from them in this way. It reminds me too much of people with certain psychological problems.
I owe me a happy story after writing this.What Ada could do to ruin Warren's life, her hearing her parents talk about regen clones and what typically happens with them.
Domo, you owe us one happy story after this one.“But there's a little voice. I'm sure it's mine. Saying that I can't. That I can't become a monster.” She fell to her knees crying. “I don't want to die.”
They let her keep going until she was ready to say goodbye. I nearly bawled like a baby here.Neal refuses to let go of his child no matter how much she has changed, and her mother has as well. An injection to have her sleep through the rest of the changes, dang. Ada is gone and there was nothing that could be done.
And I was picturing myself beside my daughter while writing this. So yeah, not letting go until well after she's gone.
I liked how I did Ada's memory loss, so I decided to do a similar thing with Warren to show his jumbled and somewhat incoherent memories.And now another Warren is around, but with incomplete memories and knowledge of Fearless' life. Believes he is 14, quiet comfort there. Andrea is an engineer, interesting.
Ah, the age difference trying to make sense of his memories.“Dad is Christopher Hansley, he's forty-five and died in 2010. Mom is Mary Hansley, she's seventy-one.” His brain realized what he'd just said. “What? This doesn't make any sense.”
Crap, no wonder Ada became a complete regen clone of him as a teen.“Regeneration six. Internal energizer four.”
And I wanted Warren tough, but not amazingly tough. His claim to fame is regeneration, the rest is just a somewhat squishy brick.
He did talk to the therapist unofficially after supper. I just didn't want to show it.Dr. Wong has to tell 'Warren' they are the regen clone affected. Forcefield around the bed in case he was violent, wish we had the option here. Crud, he is trying to figure out who the person who became his regen clone was, not good.
Therapist now please before he gets any worse. All that food and he can eat almost all of it, regen and energizer burn through a ton of calories. Considers himself a murderer, get a therapist now!He snorted in disgust. “Yeah right. I stole a persons body, and I'm stealing someones memories. Pinocchio was more real than I am.”
And with the murderer bit, I tried to imagine what I would feel in that situation. And murderer was at the top of my thoughts.
Dr. Huxley had a good reason to not like the name. But he convinced Pino to use a shortened version, instead of ordering it. Being called Pinocchio all the time, would reinforce the self image of not being real. Using a 'nickname' based on it, lets Pino have control, without the negative reinforcement.Andrea comes to visit Pino at the hospital, she has a good relationship with Warren by the way she acts toward Pino. Sane enough not to be watched all the time, and Dr. Huxley doesn't like his new name. Eh, screw him. Nail polish and makeup, so pieces of Ada are still in Pino if just a little.
And I didn't want Ada to vanish completely. I wanted bits of her to remain, for sentimental reasons and to add an interesting twist.
I hadn't known what powers to give Andrea at first. I knew I wanted her to have a job she could either do from home or have a good reason to get a lot of time off. Gadgeteer fit nicely. She works with the government as an engineer, making things for the military and heroes, so when the shit hit the fan, they told her she's doing damage control. Since it involves family, she's more than happy to play along.Upgrades on her car, mention of her being an engineer, is she a gadgeteer or Exemplar with the mental package?
I tend to either make really good family's or really bad ones. The ones that are in between don't really interest me. Considering all the evil stuff in this story, I decided good families were necessary.At least Pino has fallen into a good family and not become a regen clone of some scumbag.
I didn't want to bring it up in Warren's retelling, but Odiyan killed several people in the theft and more before he tried to escape. He doesn't care about collateral damage. So yeah, Fearless could have let him get away, but he'd already seen several people killed by a mass murderer.Wait, he could have let Odiyan escape rather than force a fight and risk endangering others in the process, but Fearless fought him and kept fighting him rather than let him escape to save lives. At least that is how it seems to me. Sobbing and guilt-ridden, it was a theft, lives shouldn't have been lost to stop a theft.
He just didn't bring it up, because to him it would be an excuse, and he's not allowing himself any excuses, no matter how justified.
If I'd shown Pino looking it up, the info would have gone into the story. But it didn't fit, so I left it out.
Another thing that wasn't planned initially but added when I realized I could turn this into a bit of a ghost story.Wishing to stay with Andrea for safety and stability. What the!?! How is Ada there, is Pino hallucinating? She ran for it and disappears around a corner before anyone else can see her. Is her mind messing with him or is Odiyan messing with him?
It also made sense. If Odiyan only needed Pino's blood, he could just come in, teleport the both of them out of there and kill the kid in less than 2 minutes.
Needing Pino to willingly kill himself forced Odiyan to get creative.
I realized here that I'd kind of written myself into a corner. How could Fearless nearly kill a dragon (not a true dragon, but still very physically powerful), with his ratings?Warren and Pino meet up in a gym, time for Pino to learn how to control his strength. Eep, that suit should be good in a clutch situation, but the injection is a last-ditch risk imo. Potent brick abilities especially combined with the regen. Get him some combat training under Ito and Pino will be a powerhouse. Juggling eggs to learn strength control, but Pino doesn't know how to stop, oof.
If I made him stronger, I'd have to make Pino into a true powerhouse without any training, which I don't like to do.
Solution, throw money and science at the problem.
And the juggling part made me smile. I wanted to lighten the mood a little, while showing the big and seemingly random gaps in his memories.
I threw this one in while writing the scene. It makes sense he'd freak out over his blood, instinctively not wanting anyone to go through what he did. IF he shows up in the future it will be an interesting problem for him.Jump training and Pino tries for a long jump, but slams into the ceiling instead, ouch. And of course, he bleeds from the injury to his head and freaks out, good grief.
Of course, the regen blood that caused all this would freak Pino out.
At first I was thinking Pino would actually move in with the Taylor's. So I was lining things up to do it, while keeping it up in the air. Ultimately I just loved how Pino and Andrea worked, so I focused on that relationship over most others.The fact the hallucinations only happen when he is outside the apartment is proof they aren't true hallucinations imo. The Taylors as Pino's foster parents, oh boy.
Being driven into suicidal depression, I want Odiyan's head!“I don't know what to do. Does it even matter?” he asked.
Go big or go home.Andrea has to go on a repair job and Warren coming to watch Pino, poor kid is a wreck thanks to Odiyan. That monster came for Pino in the hotel room! Trying to drive Pino into committing suicide, more hateful words. And magic directed at Pino on top of it. This is one of the most twisted things I've seen a supervillain pull.
Making Pino's phobia help him made me smile.Odiyan's plan backfires as Pino runs out of there in a panic, I hope Andrea or Warren find him soon.
At first I wasn't sure what mythical creature to turn Odiyan into. I didn't want to do a long drawn out punching match, and since Fearless could go one on one with a dragon, Odiyan's most powerful weapons, anything the mage chose would be beaten. Then I remembered fire is awesome, and phoenix are cool.Punching the dome over and over despite the damage he is doing to him, Fearless is wearing it down and it will soon break. Great, Odiyan turns into a phoenix. Badly burned once more, Fearless is in terrible shape as he continues to weather the intense flames and heat from the phoenix form. Fearless wrecks Odiyan's phoenix form, but is in worse shape than before. I hope he survives all this.
It's a very powerful glass cannon vs a guy who is almost impossible to kill.
After all his thoughts of being a murderer, I realized I COULDN'T have him kill Odiyan. It just wouldn't work with the story.Oh boy, Pino knows it was Odiyan who was messing with him in Ada's form this whole time and is seeing red. Pino shatters his jaw after Odiyan escapes Fearless, and in a show of who he truly is spares Odiyan's life because he isn't a murderer.
Breaking the guys face on the other hand as totally acceptable.
I thought of Ada's last video message pretty early in the writing. Possibly on the second day. It seemed to fit her personality, and it would give Kit a shove to make something of his life.Kit Ada Hansley, good name. And the final video from Ada, she wants him to do something good with his life that makes her death worthwhile. Darn it, tearing up again.
Originally this and the graveyard scene were going to be much closer together, and possibly combined. But it made more sense to have them spread out like this. Having the graveyard scene after the fight with Odiyan showed he's ready to heal.Former mom is now Aunt Rebecca and Kit is now off to Whateley Academy. Always there to help him. Already has holdouts from Warren, which is a good start plus taking the martial arts class is always a smart move.
Okay, you got one laugh out of me.“It's school, how tough can it be?”
BIttersweet with what has happened.“I will. I won't forget anyone.”
This scene shows he's healed enough to make a big change in his life. It also lets me possibly use him in Whateley in 2017. No promises there.
I knew this wouldn't be an easy read, but I was hoping it would be a good one. Thanks.This started out with a story of a girl going to get a present for her little brother. It turned into a horror story during that fight and continued through a lot of the story, identity death is one of my greatest fears so this one hit hard for me. Ada losing her identity slowly, her very self, made this hard to finish reading, but good.
I'll do a funny Tink story next. After that most of my stories are kind of intense, but nothing like this, and there are at least two funny ones.But please, no more this intense for a long time. At least not another identity death story like this, I can only read those once every couple of years without emotional overload hitting.
But when I go to introduce Gemini in the winter term, all bets are off.
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- Rosalie Redd
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Don't worry Dreamer, you weren't the only one hit badly by this. I read it this morning, and I'm going to be pretty much useless for most of the morning, at least.
This made me grin.
I think I have issues.
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- Rosalie Redd
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- Marie Smith
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I loved the character creativity with Odiyan. Not only was he ruthless and selfish but VERY good at what he does. The mythical creatures were a fun change of pace and his ability to shape shift made him that much more treacherous. A villain I loved to hate.
Fearless was a well constructed hero and I appreciated learning his powers and description as you went.
All in all, a great story and i can't wait to learn where Kit's life takes him at Whateley!
Do you have the next iteration in the works?
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Odiyan was inspired by a type of Asian evil wizard of the same name. They're a shape changer who use trickery to assassinate people, spy on others, steal and cause havoc. The idea really helped knit everything together.
I have some ideas for Kit in the future, but they'll be well in the future. Right now the Gen2 timeline is still in the Fall semester of 2016. And I have a lot of other characters that need to be written. So depending on when the time rolls around to Fall term 2017, that will be when he reappears.
Right now I'm working on Sins of the Father Part 2 (another dark and fairly tragic story) and A Strange Fairytale Part 4.
Following that it will be Cat and Mouse Part 2, Alley Cat 1 and 2, and Making a Noise in the World: Outro. I'm not sure what will come after that. I'll be finishing 1 or 2 stories a month for the foreseeable future.
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