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Making a Noise in the World Discussion

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25 Jan 2022 01:11 #1199 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Part 1 of Forte's story is now available, read it Here

Feedback is appreciated.

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25 Jan 2022 03:40 #1202 by Dreamer
Replied by Dreamer on topic Making A Noise In The World
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

Making a Noise In The World Part 1 comments
Warning: Spoiler!

Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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25 Jan 2022 04:43 #1203 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Thanks Dreamer, these are always fun to read.

-Forte is going to stick out no matter what. She might as well look like she wants the attention by dressing like a punk most of the time.

-As for what type of a devisor she is. Let's just say she's very determined. Picture a talented overachiever, who values hard work and is extremely stubborn, with a dream, that's Forte.

- Yeah, bath time is not fun for her. And she's a main character in one of my stories, she wasn't about to get off easy.

- If you think she's being foolish wandering around a dangerous neighbourhood looking for a gang is bad, you'll love Part 2.

- The shopping mall might seem like a bad place to meet, but look at it from the gangs perspective. An unknown supervillain, who claims she can destroy their minds, comes up and offers them weapons. What safer place to meet than a shopping mall where superheros are performing. They obviously won't risk anything, and neither will she. Unless they're exchanging something obvious, meetings in the middle of nowhere are only done on TV.

And she was a bit too panicked around the superheroes to do much thinking. She was mostly trying to not be obvious.

As for the names Clumsy and Foot Long. Clumsy is a real gang member name, and Foot Long was inspired by a gang member called 11 Inches. I was surprised to.

- Colleges are a great place to get supplies. There is little security, the chemicals are often not properly secured, and looking like a student, no one will give her a second glance.

- Bank Note Robberies are actually the most common type of bank robbery. It's quick, generally the teller just hands over the cash, and because no weapons are used (and most are unarmed) if they're caught they get lighter sentences. Most are caught because they get cocky and rob too many banks, don't use any disguise and are spotted by family, talk about it, or get tracked down by a GPS or hit with a dye pack (dye packs are far less common today, but GPS trackers are getting smaller and harder to detect.)

As for her quick change, people look for obvious things, hair colour and style, noticeable clothing, a big scar or tattoo, etc. Going from a blonde with a very modest fashion sense, to a brunette with a hat, a short skirt and leggings, with a blouse that shows off a fair bit of skin, no one in a hurry will give her a second glance. Spies and various government agents are taught how to do a quick change to avoid pursuit.
Former CIA Chief of Disguise talks about it HERE .

- With Jackalope and Lolomi, while they're keeping their ideas wide open, assuming she is a smart villain with a plan, is the safest option. Thinking she's just a scared kid, could lead to them getting sloppy. Overestimating her abilities a little, is generally a good idea.

- With the reporter and the 'expert', the MSM isn't known for holding back when they can make something exciting or scary. If it bleeds it leads, since there's no blood, they'll pretend there is.

You're going to love Part 2, where we learn more about Forte's personality, what she is capable of, and some of the threats the Phoenix Warriors have to face.

Thanks for the comments.
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25 Jan 2022 12:42 #1204 by Valentine
Interesting tale, and odd powers. I am curious about how she lost her limbs.

She needs to learn not to frequent her old haunts.

A hero using the name Jackalope surprised me, considering the previous idiot to use it.

Gotta love the media, next thing they will be talking her up as the next Lady Havoc.

Universities have such wonderful security. A friend loves telling the story about the morning he showed up for work, only to find a deer in the building. Admittedly the deer wasn't stealing chemicals.
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25 Jan 2022 13:11 - 25 Jan 2022 13:13 #1205 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Don't worry, all will be revealed, eventually.

For all of her talk, Forte is a bit on the naive side.

Remember, Jackalope wasn't a big name hero, or villain. So far, as Jackalope he's only gone after Imp. So the name isn't tarnished to the vast majority of people.

Robbing the college was one of the last scenes I wrote. It's insane how little security most have around their chemicals, lots of safety violations for improperly storing them, putting dangerous chemicals that have violent reactions when combined next to each other, and more. It's kind of shocking.
And I would love to go to work one day to find a deer. Free venison.

Thanks for the comment.
Last edit: 25 Jan 2022 13:13 by Dan Formerly Domoviye.
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15 Feb 2022 02:00 #1316 by DanZilla
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15 Feb 2022 04:04 #1318 by Dreamer
Replied by Dreamer on topic Making A Noise In The World
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

Making a Noise in the World Part 2 comments
Warning: Spoiler!

Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
The following user(s) said Thank You: null0trooper, Dan Formerly Domoviye

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15 Feb 2022 04:53 #1319 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Thanks as always for the commentary.
Warning: Spoiler!


Forte's journey is going to be a long one, and she won't always make the right decisions, at least what we think are the right decisions. She has strengths and flaws just like everyone else, and they're driving her hard right now.


 
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19 Feb 2022 11:26 #1323 by Valentine
I am enjoying the story. I hope we find out more of what brought her to this point. 

I guess the next upgrade to her armor will be sonic protection. 

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20 Feb 2022 02:03 - 21 Feb 2022 07:26 #1325 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Glad your enjoying it, I'm having a blast writing about her.

We will discover more of her past later on. That story is going to be fun, at least for the reader, Forte is going to hate it.
Last edit: 21 Feb 2022 07:26 by Dan Formerly Domoviye.

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29 Mar 2022 00:02 - 29 Mar 2022 00:02 #1539 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Last edit: 29 Mar 2022 00:02 by Dan Formerly Domoviye.

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29 Mar 2022 04:30 #1540 by Dreamer
Replied by Dreamer on topic Making A Noise In The World
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

Making a Noise in the World Part 3 comments
Warning: Spoiler!

Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
The following user(s) said Thank You: null0trooper, Dan Formerly Domoviye

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29 Mar 2022 05:38 #1541 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
Thanks for the commentary!
Lots to respond to tonight.

Warning: Spoiler!


The next story Outro is going to be fun as it deals with the fallout of all of this mayhem.
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29 Mar 2022 08:29 #1542 by Valentine
It's too bad Gilligan gets a bad rap. Sure he is clumsy and often screws up, but if you pay attention he as often saves the castaways as not.

A werewolf? Is his hair perfect?

Bluffing is bad as a supervillain, if Foot Long has called her bluff, then she would have every two bit criminal trying to run her over. Sure the A list villains can bluff, but they have the reputation and other powers to back it up.

Jackalope seems to need a better backup plan or associates. Twice now he has lost to Forte, and she is relying solely on her powers. He also doesn't realize how often he is actually finding Forte.

Looks like her cut is going straight to Doc Morris. I wonder if he treats heroes?

On her escape: If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid.

She really needs psychological help. Doc Morris was right about that.

Can't wait for more.
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29 Mar 2022 11:20 #1543 by Dan Formerly Domoviye
I like Gilligan, and it is generally better to have him on your side. But if you like chaos, Gilligans your man.

Normally I'd agree with you on bluffing, but Forte had taken apart their gang and broken Clumsy. If FL caught her bluff, she could just hunt him down and break him. Its a risk but manageable.

This is the reason Jackalope usually deals with street level crime. He can handle baseline criminals really well.

With Fortes escape, I went with rule of cool, in a semi realistic setting. It was cool, but OUCH!

Thanks for reading and the comments.
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