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Making a Noise in the World Discussion
- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Making a Noise In The World Part 1 comments
Black glove on her right hand and dressed up like that, not drawing attention would be hard imo in that outfit. Natalie is drawing a sketch, an interesting look for the arm. Learned to play instruments, but can't play on stage because of something that happened, painful to see someone's dreams ripped out from under them.Phoenix, Arizona
Thursday, October, 13th, 2016
Mid-morning
Part of her powers or just the nature of her mutation? Fake driver's license, 1 week in a place cleans out her bank account, a fresh start in the city, she manifested and ran away from home, didn't she?As she slowly followed the line, no one paid attention to the faint musical notes that sounded with each step she took.
Is her right arm part of her mutation or a devise she made to replace a lost limb?Her left hand stroked the hard grey metal of her right arm, tracing the faintly glowing, yellow lines that ran along it, checking for scratches or damage.
Sonic metal, what kind of devisor is she to have made all these?“OK, I have four domes of silence, three boomers, five shrieks, the sleeper, and my suits.” she bit her lip, not sure if that would be enough. She wished she could have grabbed some tools, and she still regretted having to leave over five pounds of sonic metal behind, but there wasn't much she could do about it now.
Why do I have a bad feeling about all this?“Remember,” she said to herself, “this is your start up, you just need enough cash to buy some tools, eat and get a place to live. Once you have that, you can build up. This will be easy.”
Okay, the same metal as her arm sure makes it sound like her arm is a devise. Her legs are made of the same metal as well, no wonder there are faint musical notes with each step she takes.Taking a small bar made of the same metal as her arm, she placed it on the door and softly whistled, a single glowing line appeared on its surface. If the door opened up it would shriek loud enough to burst eardrums.
How did she lose most of her legs and right arm, burned and scarred flesh makes it sound extremely bad. All this just to take a bath, the things most people take for granted.It took a minute and a near fall but she got the prosthetics off of what was left of her thighs.
Forte, a clever codename for a music lover with her devises. Why are you out at night in a place like this, Natalie? Her hand made of sonic metal can do that!?! She is never unarmed as long as she has prosthetics on. Whelp, that is one mugger who is out of commission for a while.South Mountain, Phoenix, Arizona
Late Evening
Gang members, you are going up to 5 gang members who are in various states of drunkenness. Forte, you need to have some more common sense. Forcing her to follow them into a bar like that, warning, warning, danger Natalie, danger! Dang, her domes of silence are impressive devises. Gah! The Shriek is a nightmare weapon for me, sensitive hearing exposed to that, *shudders* And the Boomer is brutal, I've said it before, sound is dangerous in the hands of those who know how to manipulate and use it.
I knew her sonic metal was impressive, but not that impressive. The leader calls himself Foot Long, oh brother. Forte's reaction to his name, same here.
Offered to show Natalie why he got the nickname numerous times, that gang leader is cocky.Friday October, 14th, 2016
Late morning
Nice to see a devisor doing things smartly and realizing you don't need a big budget. Avoid the possibility of fighting as much as possible, wise. A meeting at the biggest shopping mall in the area, why do I get the feeling Foot Long and his crew are hoping to make a scene and force her hand where if she fights back the MCO gets called in?She'd figured out how to make sonic metal with stuff she found in her parents home, and a lot of recycling.
Arizona Mills,
Afternoon
Foot Long knew the two newest members of the Phoenix Warriors, the local superhero team, would be there today. This is a set-up, if Natalie tries anything she gets busted and they try to act like innocent victims of a supervillain. The Mogollon Monster sounds powerful, please don't let this all go wrong and Natalie is attacked by him.Instead the two newest members of the team, Sun Hawk and the rookie Mogollon Monster were signing autographs, getting their pictures taken, and generally showing off.
Sun Hawk landing right in front of Forte like that, an obvious lie, but gets away with it, I can see why Sun Hawk is popular. A selfie with both of the heroes, just being a teen in the mall during school hours drew too much attention to herself. Posting the picture online, Nat, what are you thinking!
How do you get a nickname of Clumsy and still remain in a gang? Oh good, not the murderous type of gang, her non-lethal weapons interest him, but he wants a demonstration. At least he doesn't want it right then and there.
Only sold a dome of silence, low on funds, and now thinks she has to rob a bank. Someone needs to get her out of this bad situation before she does something she can't take back.Evening
Proper licenses to buy things she needs for her plans or to improve her cybernetics, ouch. Even with funds she would be out of luck, making a teen like her in this situation even more desperate, this is going to get very bad, isn't it?Saturday, October 15th, 2016
Afternoon
Sneaking onto a college campus in disguise on a weekend, now what are you up to, Forte? Another dream was stolen from her, going to college. And now she is robbing this one, I wish someone connected to Whateley would find her, or someone could help her go down a better path. Robbing the science department for supplies, good grief. In and out in less than 3 minutes, that arm of hers is stronger than expected.Phoenix College
Sunday, October, 16th, 2016
Noon
Robbing a Goodkind Bank, never mind, this practically begs for mutants to rob the place. Her disguise, why do I feel it will get her more attention than expected. This was her whole plan and the teller just gave in to her demand, the disguise actually worked, you would think with mutants that can shapeshift they would be wiser than discounting someone based on having a different appearance from the suspect. Are we sure she isn't also a Warper who jinxes others into failing their Perception checks to notice things?Goodkind Bank, Downtown Phoenix
Monday, October, 17th, 2016
Mid-morning
$4870 and she thinks she should rob banks more often, uh oh.Late Afternoon
D'oh, no wonder she is so cocky right now. Looking for a blonde teenager, Natalie studied bank robberies before coming to Phoenix, just what kind of messed up life did she have that becoming a supervillain seems like a good idea.Then she looked at another much smaller pile. This one contained a dye pack, and two very small GPS transmitters; they'd been disabled in the bank thanks to her in-built devise.
Love of music and have it taken away, no wonder she is going on the path of a supervillain. And this museum, I wish I could have gone there. Not being able to play music anymore, just what was the accident that happened to her? A Peruvian harp, now that is an instrument I would love to hear played. An audience, she may hear the mistakes but her audience just loves the beautiful music she is playing, if only she could for longer.Musical Instrument Museum
Tuesday, October, 17th, 2016
Early Morning
The museum worker recognizes her, even watched her perform two years ago before the accident happened. People notice her hand and think she is a mutant based on that, making Natalie run to avoid the questions. No wonder she wants to improve her cybernetics, to play music again like she used to.
Robbing another bank, Forte, you need help. Now, who is this man confronting her about the robbery? Jackalope can screw with people's luck in minor ways. Oh, good, not the Gen 1 Jack Rabbit who changed his name to Jackalope. And Jackalope isn't falling for Forte's innocent girl act, good.Bank of America
Wednesday, October, 17th, 2016
Late Morning
He helps her up and she tries the sleeper move with her right arm on him only to miss, this guy has training and experience you don't, Forte. Forming her armor like that, she has done it now. Police are there, Jackalope has called the Phoenix Warriors, and Forte decides to use her suit to trigger an effect like her Boomers, yikes. Knocks out Jackalope, the suit low on power, and runs for it. This was an extremely bad idea.
Lolomi, leader of the Phoenix Warriors, comes to check up on Jackalope.Phoenix Warriors HQ
Early Afternoon
A powerhouse leader, and interesting source for his name too.When the origin hero activated his power very little could actually harm him, and he would be hard to miss.
*eyes bug out* Bypass the ear, her sonic attack bypassed the ear, which is powerful. Jackalope thinks he knows Natalie so completely.
You'd be surprised some of the things scared or stupid teenagers do that seem smart or thought out.“That is not something a scared or stupid teenager does.”
The Devil of Dallas, no wonder Lolomi is listing off all the things she could be. And they are already stretched thin, Forte could be the worst thing to happen here if she isn't stopped soon. Too old for Whateley, aww. Plans how on how to help Natalie out, but expecting it all to blow up in their faces, just how bad is Phoenix?Too many people had died thinking they were simply dealing with a powerful mutant, who had turned out to be a Class X entity.
Clumsy showing up to show FL the video of the fight between Forte and Jackalope. Seeing what she did and Clumsy wants the Boomers now, this is very bad.South Mountain, Phoenix, Arizona
Mid-Afternoon
Dae-Jung, the Mogollon Monster's real name.East Tempe, Arizona
Bad, MM. Near annoy the girlfriend. Sun Hawk doesn't recognize Forte from the meet and greet, I hope she does before it is too late.“Doesn't she look familiar to you?”
“Can't really say, all of you hairless, little apes look the same to me,” he said, grinning at her.
I like her.“I'm openly dating you, honey,” she said. “To the assholes I'm already evil. It won't be much worse if they know I'm a mutant to. And if they try anything against me, I have a legitimate reason to kick their ass. Now while I'm gone, really think about that girl.” She saw him grin. “Not in that way! But I know I've seen her recently, so you probably did to.”
Avoids going back to the hotel due to the manhunt on for her, doesn't know if they are already waiting for her there. Smart, but with the suit's power on low you are going to get more desperate and make stupid mistakes. Who the heck is that reporter interviewing, sounds like an H1! nutjob. And saying she has rages without any proof, that she harmed or murdered her parents, this person is way over the line.Late Afternoon
Oh boy, she self-identifies as a supervillain, wants money and power, and is already planning on how to get more powerful, this just got a whole lot worse.
That idiot on the news riled her up, like throwing a rock at a hornet's nest, and now she doesn't plan to back down from her plans.The world had already thrown the worst it possibly could at her, destroying her body and her dreams. So she'd made herself a new body, now all that was left was achieving her new dream.
“Watch out world,” Forte whispered, “I'm coming for you.”
Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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-Forte is going to stick out no matter what. She might as well look like she wants the attention by dressing like a punk most of the time.
-As for what type of a devisor she is. Let's just say she's very determined. Picture a talented overachiever, who values hard work and is extremely stubborn, with a dream, that's Forte.
- Yeah, bath time is not fun for her. And she's a main character in one of my stories, she wasn't about to get off easy.
- If you think she's being foolish wandering around a dangerous neighbourhood looking for a gang is bad, you'll love Part 2.
- The shopping mall might seem like a bad place to meet, but look at it from the gangs perspective. An unknown supervillain, who claims she can destroy their minds, comes up and offers them weapons. What safer place to meet than a shopping mall where superheros are performing. They obviously won't risk anything, and neither will she. Unless they're exchanging something obvious, meetings in the middle of nowhere are only done on TV.
And she was a bit too panicked around the superheroes to do much thinking. She was mostly trying to not be obvious.
As for the names Clumsy and Foot Long. Clumsy is a real gang member name, and Foot Long was inspired by a gang member called 11 Inches. I was surprised to.
- Colleges are a great place to get supplies. There is little security, the chemicals are often not properly secured, and looking like a student, no one will give her a second glance.
- Bank Note Robberies are actually the most common type of bank robbery. It's quick, generally the teller just hands over the cash, and because no weapons are used (and most are unarmed) if they're caught they get lighter sentences. Most are caught because they get cocky and rob too many banks, don't use any disguise and are spotted by family, talk about it, or get tracked down by a GPS or hit with a dye pack (dye packs are far less common today, but GPS trackers are getting smaller and harder to detect.)
As for her quick change, people look for obvious things, hair colour and style, noticeable clothing, a big scar or tattoo, etc. Going from a blonde with a very modest fashion sense, to a brunette with a hat, a short skirt and leggings, with a blouse that shows off a fair bit of skin, no one in a hurry will give her a second glance. Spies and various government agents are taught how to do a quick change to avoid pursuit.
Former CIA Chief of Disguise talks about it HERE .
- With Jackalope and Lolomi, while they're keeping their ideas wide open, assuming she is a smart villain with a plan, is the safest option. Thinking she's just a scared kid, could lead to them getting sloppy. Overestimating her abilities a little, is generally a good idea.
- With the reporter and the 'expert', the MSM isn't known for holding back when they can make something exciting or scary. If it bleeds it leads, since there's no blood, they'll pretend there is.
You're going to love Part 2, where we learn more about Forte's personality, what she is capable of, and some of the threats the Phoenix Warriors have to face.
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She needs to learn not to frequent her old haunts.
A hero using the name Jackalope surprised me, considering the previous idiot to use it.
Gotta love the media, next thing they will be talking her up as the next Lady Havoc.
Universities have such wonderful security. A friend loves telling the story about the morning he showed up for work, only to find a deer in the building. Admittedly the deer wasn't stealing chemicals.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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For all of her talk, Forte is a bit on the naive side.
Remember, Jackalope wasn't a big name hero, or villain. So far, as Jackalope he's only gone after Imp. So the name isn't tarnished to the vast majority of people.
Robbing the college was one of the last scenes I wrote. It's insane how little security most have around their chemicals, lots of safety violations for improperly storing them, putting dangerous chemicals that have violent reactions when combined next to each other, and more. It's kind of shocking.
And I would love to go to work one day to find a deer. Free venison.
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Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Making a Noise in the World Part 2 comments
Yikes, having to rent a place like this, Natalie, what have you gotten yourself into? Good, she has plans for the place. *horrified look on face* The fridge...*shudders* Smart move, cleaning this place on her own would have been a nightmare.Central Village, Phoenix, Arizona
Saturday, October 20, 2016
Morning
The meeting place, Clumsy and Foot Long sure can pick them. A smart supervillain who makes things for others avoids fighting at all costs, Forte knows this already. Oh, good, both of the weapons sound like simple distance is enough to avoid the effects.South Mountain, Phoenix
Mid-Afternoon
*eyes bug out* I would give them a $100 tip each myself, they just worked a minor miracle imo. Nice security so far. She should market devises that emit those frequencies for insect control, it would sell like hotcakes. One that emits frequencies to drive away rodents I would buy a dozen myself.Central Village, Phoenix
Evening
Oh, good grief. They get some devises that mess up a superhero and think they can pull off a raid on someplace. *reads what the Mountain Boys have done* Natalie, please don't sell to them ever again. Another gang, they are robbing another gang. Foot Long, you idiot! And Baby is hurt now, this was a bad idea even if most of them got out of it unharmed.Alahambra, Phoenix
Midnight
Don't tell me, all this is how she makes her sonic metal. Ah, a starter for new and improved sonic metal, an interesting process to create it.Central Village, Phoenix
Sunday, October 21st
Morning
It can generate more of itself with just aluminum to fuel it, dang. A month or two to make a more permanent workshop, she thinks big.Once that was done simply keeping it fed with aluminum, would provide her the material to create at least a pound of sonic metal a month.
Is this how her devisor trait works for her, how she perceives it because that is awesome.Taking apart the first speaker, music filled her mind, the notes telling her fingers what to do.
Sun Hawk, a superhero and part-time student, might be spreading herself a little thin from the looks of it. Mogollon, Old Scratch, Desert Rat, Shadow, Magma Man, and Lolomi, are an interesting bunch of superheroes. Janet.Phoenix Warrior HQ
Early Afternoon
Know I wonder what her creations look like.The gadgeteer/devisor, who looked like a fantasy dwarf wearing red coveralls, took a second to collect herself.
The 17th Disciples, so that was the rival gang the Mountain Boys attacked. And now they know about Phoenix College being robbed, took them long enough. Still don't know if Forte is a devisor even though they are dealing with one, not jumping to conclusions is good, but ignoring obvious evidence is another. Even guessing about her gloves, it is nice to see superheroes who are cautious but too much caution can allow a foe to escape as you second guess everything. Sun Hawk still doesn't remember meeting Natalie, arrgggh!
Yikes, way to find out she is wanted, they have a mug shot of her even if in disguise, and those idiots she sold to killed someone. Oh god, if only the heroes could see her right now, she is a soul in pain who needs help to take her off this path is convinced she has to follow.Central Village, Phoenix
Monday, October 22nd
Mid-Morning
Having your dream stolen from you can break a person, it is sad to see this happen to one so young.“I had a future. I had a good future. I had the talent, the drive, the will. I did everything right and worked my ass off for it. And for what?” she demanded. “It was taken from me, and I never did anything wrong. Why shouldn't I take what I want? Everyone else does. At least I'm honest about it.”
A man comes to deliver a fridge, and just can't keep staring at Natalie's sleeve where her missing around should be, even a look of pity before he left. That is worse, now Natalie is even more angry and upset. This won't end well for anyone at this rate.
Okay, Baby should be fine at least, though I wish he would get out of this gang. You stole all that, killed one of their gang, and don't think this could blowback on your gang. Fools, the lot of them. The part about no one else will care, I think that is going to come back to bite them in the rear.South Mountain, Phoenix
Bennie's Bar
Evening
Alastair expects a guest and goes to greet them. A room like that in the basement, what kind of sick things does he get up to down there? Joseph Gustav, a man in terrible condition, and they want information out of him, with the runes to hide the room and the drain in it I don't think Joseph is getting out of here alive.Desert View, Phoenix
Late Evening
One of the 17th Disciples who was at the drug house when it was attacked, uh oh. *tries not to vomit* Alastair is brutal and very strong to do that even to someone in Joseph's physical shape.
Is Alastair a cannibal or something not human?“You aren't even good enough to become a snack,” he said, watching the writhing man scream in pain.
Joseph gives up details about what the weapon's effects felt like to him. The Cano family, a cartel, Forte has drawn the worst kind of attention to herself with her sales.
*eyes bug out big time* He is the supervillain The Cannibal! This is so much worse than I thought it would be.Stepping into the centre of the room, the air began to shimmer, gaining colour and weight. It swirled around him, forming a massive, hulking body. After a moment, a naked, sexless giant with wild red hair and a mouth far too wide for its head was looking down at the cowering, pitiful man.
Tweak wants to save up for a nice car and gets teased about being an investor, wearing a suit, and trading stocks soon, can't stand this type of 'teasing'. Foot Long, your kind of reasoning is why sonic weapons are so tightly regulated. Partying like they have no worries; when you target a gang first find out if they are connected to a stronger organization. 12' tall, 8' wide, The Cannibal is bigger than the Hulk! Foot Long caught by The Cannibal and threatened into setting up a meeting with Forte, an ambush, this is worse than anything she has planned for.South Mountain, Phoenix
Thursday, October 24th
Night
Seeing Natalie in action when she is devising is like watching someone create something magical. All this to create batteries for her sonic metal, the cybernetics, and armor still seems like magic to me. Clumsy, you may fear The Cannibal, but selling out Forte like this may prove to be your downfall. A sound system for his car, Clumsy, is the biggest waste of money I can think of. All this to bait the trap for The Cannibal, it is good bait at least.Central Village, Phoenix
Friday, October 25th
Noon
In that outfit to work on the car, hope she doesn't hurt any of her regular limbs. Forte sure has a lot of plans for the car, I wonder if she could find a power supply to make that sonic field work. They tried to take her out with a hit! Didn't even try to negotiate with her, just shoot up the garage with her inside in hopes of killing her.Goodman's Junkyard, Phoenix
Sunday, October 27th
Early Afternoon
Her cybernetics are all dented up, this is bad. She finally has her coat and thus her armor, a way to fight back, but will it be enough? Oh good, the armor is at least bullet resistant if not bulletproof. 2 gunmen down, brutal and fast, but this is a fight for her life. 3 more gunmen, and all of them down that fast, those claws and talons of her armor are scary.
Crap, The Cannibal is there. He intended for those men to kill her, now just ask her questions. Laughs when he finds out she just came to Phoenix to sell weapons, nothing more.
Forte, leave Phoenix and never look back before he is given another chance to kill you.“You'll probably end up dead or enslaved, but if you survive, the Cano family may have some business with you in the future. Remember this moment, and think very carefully on it when naming a price.”
Seeing Natalie like this, wish I can help her, know I can't. Move somewhere else and sell her stuff online, yes, get away from Phoenix. Crash after the fight over what she did and what happened, Natalie needs to find some good people to help her.Central Village, Phoenix
Late Afternoon
Who called a police officer and said she might be hurt? The officer believes her lie about being hit by a car, assurances she will go to the ER if something serious happens, and leaves after telling Natalie to call if she remembers any more details about the driver. *winces at all the damage she took* I know without her armor it would have been a lot worse, but ouch doesn't cover it.
She should have gone to a hospital, all those injuries she might have internal bleeding and not even know it. The armor needs padding, good to see her thinking ahead for next time.Central Village, Phoenix
Monday, October 28th
Early Morning
No, please don't do this, Natalie. You can still go down a different path.“They betrayed me. I thought they would be helpful, and they set me up for that psycho,” she said, her voice flat and utterly devoid of emotion. “I have to make an example of them. I can't take out The Cannibal, yet, so I need to show the city what happens when they fuck with me.”
The Mountain Boys are only upset because they are down to a few of Forte's devises, after betraying her like that they should be worried. They think she is dead, they didn't even confirm if she is dead or not, this is a failure of intelligence in multiple senses of the word. Oops, Tweak pointed out that flaw, and now Foot Long is worried.South Mountain, Phoenix
Bennie's Bar
Late Afternoon
Forte is deep in work on her devises, that mask a great help. A new suit is made, how much more advanced will this one be from her previous model?Central Village, Phoenix
After Midnight
Alastair eating breakfast and one of his men is waiting with a folder for him.Desert View, Phoenix
Tuesday, October 29th
Morning
So not only is he a powerhouse, but intelligent and skilled at running a cartel as well, he just keeps getting scarier.It had taken years to fill his organization with competent employees, who knew what was urgent and what could wait, were able to handle themselves competently in a fight, and didn't feel the need to act like macho men to prove themselves.
Yikes, and he knows how to use those who pester him about moving up in the organization too much. Oh no, they know Natalie's full real name and part of her past, things that Alastair plans to use in the future.
Central Village, Phoenix
Tuesday, October 29th
Late Evening
A devise that uses the sound of a cat purring to aid healing, ingenious! Studying science would help make her devises more stable and scientifically sound, but would it also possibly prevent her from doing things with sound too far outside of what normal physics would allow?Natalie laid stretched out on the couch, a heavily modified speaker held together by duct tape and screwed into the wall above her head, facing her body. It sounded like a giant purring cat.
Whoa, she sounds like either a rare type of devisor or even a new type of devisor. Kind of control the music, does she mean the music in her mind or actual music that is playing? Because if it is the latter that means she is some kind of siren as well as a devisor. Lady Havoc is a former supervillain and has even been interviewed, glad to hear she is still alive. And yes, not being able to control your own mind is one of the most terrifying things I can imagine.She could also kind of control the music when she worked, changing some notes to make her devises differently, a little less deadly, more protective, less showy, and things like that. And if she didn't want to make something, or didn't want to make it at that moment, stopping the music wasn't too hard, just a matter of self control, like not scratching an itch.
New armor with padded kevra undershirt, now this is more like it. I wondered how much of an upgrade this new armor would be compared to the previous model, it is a big one from everything described. That is one scary piece of hardware. Clumsy and Foot Long, you better run while you have the chance.Central Village, Phoenix
Wednesday, October 30th
Afternoon
Good, after what the Mountain Boys did attacking that other gang then selling out Forte to save their own hides they deserve to be avoided. Members vanishing, is it the Cannibal or someone else? Tweak moaning about his lost car, and how hard it is to steal another one of them, idiot.South Mountain, Phoenix
Bennie's Bar
Thursday, October 30th
Night
Forte is there and the gang opens fire for all the good it will do, Clumsy tries to use a Shrieker on her, but Forte jumps to avoid it. *in shock* She made Clumsy bleed from his eyes, ears, and nose, what flare from her hand? Takes their money and drugs, then takes Foot Long out back to talk, he better not say anything to make her angrier.
Foot Long lies to Forte about only getting a couple thousand from the job they pulled the other day, it is like he has a death wish. $50k and she tells him the cut she gave him has nanites that will wreck his brain and leave him crippled for life if they go off in his brain in 24 hours. So he gets her the money and she fixes that problem, or else. When she is vengeful she is a terror to behold.
Lolomi called to the police station about Forte's attack on the Mountain Boys. Clumsy's real name is Howard Wilson, and Foot Long's Conner Fox. Heh, right now if I were one of the Mountain Boys I would be like the last 2 guys, begging the police to protect me.Phoenix, Arizona
Police Department
Late at night
Tweak is Eddie Hernandez. I don't like Mr. Romero, the idiot didn't even ask his client if he asked for the police to bring him in for his own safety. *facepalms* This snake in a suit is the lawyer for all of the Mountain Boys from the sounds of it.
Forte not even front-page news thanks to supervillain named Klepto, good, that means no one died. Minions, no, don't get those. They are hard to understand, short, and always doing strange things that could trip up your plans, just ask Gru.Central Village, Phoenix
Thursday October 31st
Midday
Clumsy in serious condition at the hospital, I knew no one died or it would have been bigger news. Natalie has a lot to think about her own deeds thus far.
Just don't cross the line to killing people, please never cross that line.“I'm not good, and I'll never claim to be, but I'm not a monster. I'm just doing what I have to to survive, just like everyone else,” she said.
Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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-Yes, Forte's devisor power (her only power) sounds like a song in her mind, each note tells her what she should do.
And she can alter the music in her mind. For example, if her power is pointing at a weapon that would make eyeballs erupt in geysers of blood and fluid, she can tone it down to eye pain. Or work out how to make it take out the brain as well.
And I wanted to make Fortes creations seem a bit on the artistic side. I like the magical side more than the hard science.
-The Mountain Boys are overconfident, but robbing criminals is actually not a bad idea. They won't go to the police, they usually don't want to let it be known they were robbed, and if they don't know who robbed them they can't do much.
-Alastair is the cartel enforcer, he is in charge of security, everything else is outside of his domain. He takes his job very seriously. And he is going to be FUN to write.
- Her outfit is fine, she's not doing anything serious, just taking out some speakers, so she can plan everything out. And with her cybernetics, she's unlikely to get hurt.
-The Uber driver called the police. He had a clearly very upset young woman in his car, barely able to walk, clutching her ribs, and he probably saw some blood.
The cop couldn't do much. Forte was not visibly hurt. Her story of her legs getting damaged fits her condition and what the driver told the operator, and she was coherent if shook up. Forcing her to go the hospital wouldn't fly.
- Her new suit is a big step up, and uses all of the material in her two older suits. What didn't go into armour and weapons, was turned into batteries. She needs the extra power for her sonic cannon.
-With the police and the lawyer, remember these guys bought illegal weapons and used them to commit a crime that ended in murder. If they just tell the truth with no deal, they will go to prison. The lawyer is really doing his job of protecting his clients and doing everything legally. How this turns out, well you'll just have to wait.
Forte's journey is going to be a long one, and she won't always make the right decisions, at least what we think are the right decisions. She has strengths and flaws just like everyone else, and they're driving her hard right now.
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I guess the next upgrade to her armor will be sonic protection.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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We will discover more of her past later on. That story is going to be fun, at least for the reader, Forte is going to hate it.
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Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Making a Noise in the World Part 3 comments
Foot Long freaking out and asking for help from Danny who doesn't understand what is going on until FL spells out what is going on with Forte. So terrified he robs Danny at gunpoint and takes off, his nails leaving bloody gouges in his arms. Are the nanites real or did Forte bluff FL really good, either way, he thinks they are real.South Mountain, Phoenix
Monday, October 31st
Early Afternoon
Alastair greeting his second in command, Emma.Paradise Valley, Phoenix
People underestimate receptive empathy too often, it is very dangerous in the right hands. He wants to treat Forte like Gilligan, no, that is a fate worse than death.The low level empath was truly gifted at reading people, being a highly intelligent, ice queen, who wanted money and power was an added bonus.
This is worse than I thought, use her without her even knowing it, and if she becomes too much trouble eliminate her themselves. Forte needs to get out of there past tense.“Gilligan was an agent of chaos, naivety and stupidity, ruining everyone's plans, enemies and allies alike. We have many enemies, and they all have their many intricate plans to gain power, keep power, remove enemies, and gain allies. If I move one way, they each have three plans to deal with me. We are all bound up in threads, afraid to move, for fear of losing our balance and strangling ourselves.”
She nodded in understanding. “And our own enemies, and allies, are currently tightening their threads around our neck.”
“Exactly! I enjoy stability. I could happily stay like this until I retire, but my enemies won't let me. So I must show them that while I do well in the status quo, I thrive in chaos. And if my plans are destroyed in the process, it doesn't matter, I can always go back to my old ways.” He grinned, almost looking like his Cannibal persona.
Darn, right hand not responding as she wants. Ouch, having her prosthetic looking like that now, Natalie needs more resources and might get desperate if not already.Central Village, Phoenix, Arizona
I should have known it was a bluff, nanites don't seem her area of expertise. And clip-on plastic parts as a disguise, clever even if it makes her uncomfortable.If he believed her about the nanites, he was probably getting pretty desperate by now. Smiling to herself, she wondered if her bluff had worked.
Mitch, saying she stands out and it is bad for business, your comments to Forte, unwise at best. Due to her encounter with The Cannibal, she is acting tough, but if someone says they work for The Cannibal how would she react? A silence dome, great, going to use it in another ambush attack I bet.Alhambra, Phoenix, AZ
Late Afternoon
Stealing from Clumsy's wife and kid, FL, your panic has made you sink to new lows. Desperate and saying he will pay them back, Clumsy's wife isn't buying it, tells him to get out, poor Timmy comes in confused by what is going on as his little brother Bobby is crying, FL, don't do anything stupid.South Mountain, Phoenix
Taking Timmy hostage with a gun to his head, I hope FL gets what he deserves before this is all over. Kat hits him with the baseball bat, once, twice, goes for the third time and FL kills her with the pistol and blames her for defending her family. FL needs to die now, he killed a mother and the father is in the hospital because of him.
Jackalope's intuition guides him to the children thankfully, finding out what happened from Timmy, and blames Forte for FL's actions. She might have pushed him into this, made him desperate, but FL chose to steal from people he knew, a mother with children and brought the gun with him.Clumsy's Apartment
Fifteen minutes later
Forte waiting for FL to show up, wondering why the area is full of cops right now, not knowing what FL did to get the last of the money she demanded he get. Meeting with FL in full armor, noting the changes in him.South Mountain, Phoenix
Late Evening
I wonder how she will react when she finds out he killed a mother of 3 to get some of that blood money.For a moment, Forte wondered if she'd gone too far. She forcefully shoved that thought away, he'd been the one to betray her.
Forte still acting as if the nanites are real, threatening FL even though he is completely broken at this point, she needs to learn how to read people better.
A vocal altering devise, the things she is saying with it though... She doesn't care why FL gave her more than she asked for. *sigh* All those images of her in action, she should be worried they can fix the footage and find out what she really looks like. Guesses on her age, accurate guess as to the nature of her codename. Power ranking, a lot of guesswork, and study of the individual in action.Central Village, Phoenix, Arizona
Tuesday, November 1st
Midday
Ouch, that Tech Development rating hurt. The rating for her combat tech seems several ranks too low as well. The Sewer Queen and her dead dogs almost sound like a Rat King-style villain.
Nope, much creepier.Natalie shivered at the photo of the pack of rotting dogs that had mushrooms growing out of their eyes and bodies. While the Sewer Queen had never attacked a civilian, no one wanted to be near her or her army of undead things that could be found in the Phoenix storm drains and sewers.
A tiny werewolf running around Chandler, I remember that from the microscenes thread. Good, ignore the little wolf, if it is the killer you don't want to meet them. All that sonic metal and it is working 25% faster than her older batch, oh boy, what will she come up with next.
Forte at a small office for a potential meeting, she couldn't tell if it was legitimate or not and came anyways. After The Cannibal ambush incident, I thought she would have more common sense than this. And she only came with those holdouts and devises in case of trouble, oh boy. Mr. Jackson, this is the guy working for The Cannibal to feed her money and resources, at least that is my guess.Tempe, Phoenix, Arizona
Friday November 4th
Mid-Morning
That alarm is potent, I doubt even the Imp could find a way around it. A tactical sleep whip, yikes. All that information, dang, this Mr. Jackson drives a hard bargain.
All that work to get the ready sonic metal out, there has to be a more efficient method. Her devises may be power-hungry but it is still awesome to watch, just like magic. *eyes bug out* She needs to see a doctor about her left leg stump before it gets infected. Oh good, sees her right leg has the same rash and realizes she needs a doctor. Morris and Associates, she gets set up to see them that quickly, dang.Forte's Home
Early afternoon
Jackalope's ability is not that good at finding things he really wants, he must get frustrated a lot. Luck manipulation and limited precognition, no wonder he is so effective. And he has spotted Forte but decides it isn't Forte, he should have followed his first instincts. Thinking Forte is always confident, that she can't have bad days, or isn't an amputee herself, all assumptions and mistakes on Jackalope's part.Camelback East, Phoenix
Afternoon
Walking in that much pain, more and more I wish Forte had found a different path in life. Having to answer all these questions, being reminded of how she lost her limbs, ow. Doc Morris and Nurse Isabella. Natalie, you shouldn't have to deal with it, let the nurse help you any way she can.
Ouch, the cleaning method for the prosthetics didn't completely clean the padding, no wonder she got the rash. *eyes bug out* All those risks she has been taking could have led to her losing more of her legs than she already has.
He may be an underground doctor for villains and criminals, but he knows his stuff and most likely has medical training.He put the pill directly into her hand. “You're on the verge of fainting or having a panic attack. This is doctors orders, take the pill or I'll get a needle.”
Disgust at her own disability, therapy in the past didn't help. *screams in frustration at not being able to help her* Powers testing can be done there, they are a full-service clinic it seems. And almost faints when she sees the bill, eep.
2 days of nothing but working in her workshop, Forte, you need work-life balance or you will go crazy. Outlaw's Tavern, cute. Mr. Green and Caret, talk about tacky costumes. The bouncer is a 9' tall woman with four arms, please say that she is partially based on Sheeva from Mortal Kombat.Glendale, Phoenix Metropolitan Area
Monday, November 7th
Late Afternoon
Delany, owner, and bartender, nice.
This is the kind of scum who needs to be stopped. Yikes, more eyes on her than she knows, she already has too many as it is. Good advice in general when dealing with criminals.“Avoid working with Flame Fist, he has a... thing for young women, and a few have disappeared or died while working with him.”
Oof, she could have used this before the bluff blackmail of FL. His most important piece of advice, a lot of potential future supervillains at Whateley could do with hearing this.Defend your reputation, but think ahead and make sure you're helping yourself, not just making yourself feel better.
Like a scene out of a post-apocalypse movie I'm guessing. His bar is a community service keeping his customers happy and under control.“My customers are the type who can break bones by patting someone on the back too hard, sometimes forget that they can shoot laser beams from their eyes while drunk, have hair trigger anger issues and carry weapons that can take out a tank. What do you think would happen if they were getting drunk in a regular bar?”
Jackalope just wishes to find Forte and follow her. Blaming Forte for the death and violence others cause with her devises, or what FL did, Jackalope, you need to bring in others on this before you go too far. Following her on a bus, then when she gets off and waits for another bus wondering how she gets around without a vehicle of her own for a getaway.Outside Outlaw's Tavern
Early Evening
Forte knows she is being followed, and not knowing who he is with decides to maneuver on the bus away from him. Molest a woman standing near her with two men nearby to take the blame, Forte uses the confusion to take off running.
No way for Jackalope to catch up and he knows he has been busted, better luck next time.
Alastair at a ranch for a meeting.Ranch outside of Phoenix
Thursday November 10th
Afternoon
That many men from the 3 families, just what is this meeting about?The Luna and Barrera cartels had their own three man squads at the ready.
Too bad the authorities don't know about this meeting and every superhero in the U.S. is available.The cartel leaders deserved only the best protection, especially on a day like this, where the three major cartels would make deals, resolve disputes, and deal with potential problems.
La Llorona and she fought Alastair and he considers her extremely deadly, yikes. The Hungry Ghost, they have some real monsters working for these cartels. Don Cano, Senor Luna and is the great grandfather of La Llorona, and Don Barrera, their cartel only survived thanks to a deal made with the Hungry Ghost. Are they insane!?! Death would be a kinder fate than whatever awaits them thanks to a deal with the Hungry Ghost.
Okay, that is the most secure meeting room I've ever seen. A group of supervillains, I wonder what group that might have been. He was holding back against the Mongolian Monster. *mentally screams in horror*
So a plasma cannon harmed him, hhm.“If you want a real fight, monster, I will gladly give you one. I still remember how you ran away bleeding the last time,” she said, giving him a lopsided smile.
He grinned in return. “I remember that as well. But this time your foster father won't be there with a plasma cannon.”
Forte, I don't like the MCO for the most part either, but get your MID or it will be worse if they haul you in without one. Only weight lifting with her left arm for the physical tests, Forte, don't complain about getting off easy.Doc Morris Clinic, Phoenix
Sunday, November 13th
Morning
Interesting, I would have thought her a 5 with the sonic metal and how stable it appears to be. Shifting the focus of devising difficult but not impossible, with how Doc Morris describes it though I can see why few do it. *hits head on desk* Trying to fake out the MCO testers, Forte, you are playing a dangerous game.“So I'm a devisor 4, with a focus on sonics,” she said. “I was kind of hoping for more.”
So many problems with covering up who she is, including her prosthetics. Regular prosthetics, ouch. No, don't rob another bank to get the cash needed for regular prosthetics. It will end up costing more in repairing your sonic metal prosthetics, armor, devises used, etc.Forte's Home
Late Afternoon
Jane, a real estate agent, helps Forte find a new place in her budget to set up shop. A primary school on the land above where the lair was built, a good reason for the cheap price. Glad it went to Forte instead of some nut who likes to cause explosions when experimenting.Chandler, Phoenix Metropolitan Area
Monday, November 14th
Afternoon
All those villains in costume, such colorful descriptions. Bubbly, wait a minute. And she drags Forte along once she agrees to the job, Bubbly is a ditz or hyper, not sure of which yet. Zip and Ta-Da, the group is Triple Threat. Why do I get the feeling they are jokes in the supervillain community?Outlaw's Tavern
Evening
Industrial espionage, stealing a prototype, destroying the research, and they need her to take out electronic security.
Something is starting to smell fishy about all this.“A start up, Cutting Edge Cyber-Tek. They're doing some cutting edge work on computer technology.”
A crude plan that is just above smash-and-grab, good grief. Timer lock safe, obstacle number one. Forte coming up with a plan of her own to steal a computer chip prototype, I don't like this.
Bwahaha, Forte pretending to be a student journalist, you would think people by now could check to see if someone is who they state they are. Grace Dembele falls for Forte's act hook, line, and sinker. Valeria Newman now has an upcoming interview with one of the engineers.Forte's Home
Tuesday, November 15th
Morning
Forte has moved out of her old place and into her new workshop and lair. Excited for what happens next, she sleeps like a baby.Chandler, Phoenix Metropolitan Area
Midnight
Uh oh, the tiny were-wolf like figure wants to know who Forte is and what she is doing in their neighborhood. Please don't be a killer, please.
And the sleeper whip working prototype is completed. Several pounds of sonic metal each month, she has upgraded her production a lot. Forte needs a source of chemicals soon to keep her operation going, don't hit the same university or you might get caught this time.Forte's Workshop
Thursday, November 17th
Early evening
Meeting up with Bubbly, Zip, and Ta-Da for further planning, Ta-Da has mapped out all the security cameras. I'm curious, is Ta-Da a PDP? Zip, you are impatient and need to realize rushing a place like this would have local superheroes on you in minutes. And now Forte's interview idea makes sense.Outlaw's Tavern
Late Evening
Natalie, you are making yourself sick trying to work out a way to fool the MCO. Trying to force your devisor trait to focus on something other than the focus you already have, I don't know what to compare it to. But took someone else years, you have only been working on it for days now.Forte's Workshop
Saturday, November 19>th
Morning
And the plan is starting, superglue on your fingers to prevent leaving fingerprints, never thought of that. The old fake injury to cover for an unusual body part. A tiny recording device and they aren't sure she can use it around the office, talk about security. Darrin, an intern, hhm.Cutting Edge Cyber-Tek, Phoenix, Arizona
Monday, November 21st
4:20pm
I can't wait for it to happen here. And Forte wanted the recorder to get into security, it's a trap!Companies that are a lot bigger than us are hoping to be the first to create a working graphene processor, we've managed to get a jump on all of them. By late 2018, we'll be mass producing them, and your phone, computer, tablet, everything that needs a chip, will be at least ten thousand times faster,” he explained.
Forte actually doing an interview with Darrin, she is a good actress. Excuses herself to use the bathroom, the disguise is off and Forte is ready for action.Cutting Edge Cyber-Tek
5:05
Oh no, Darrin thinks he has a connection with 'Valeria', wants to ask her out for coffee. He falls for girls who are pretty and pay him attention easily, it seems. He finds one of the devises right as it is about to go off getting an earful, ouch, and there goes everything with wires.
Jorge, the security guy in the security room is about to have his peaceful day ruined. The devise being in the box ruined its efficiency, some of the security cameras were not knocked out, and Jorge sets off the alarm.
Lights are off in the building and Zip is inside fast, sets off a devise near the vault, and rushes in past the guards, stopping the door from shutting completely with one of the guard's guns. Another devise breaks the automatic vault door, another devise on the right lockbox, the chip stolen and C-4 in place to destroy the research, and Zip gets the guards to safety before hightailing it out of there. A smart heist job, no sticking around with the loot and risking it.
Bubbly and Ta-Da inside, Ta-Da gets the receptionist to hide under her desk, and Bubbly is heading to the server room. Those bubbles of hers are very effective at non-lethal takedowns. And there goes the server room, Bubbly is silly and dangerous at the same time.
Forte intimidating the scared employees, nails spray painted, and a bluff that they are deadly devises with 30-minute battery life, after what she said they can do I think everyone would sit still for 30 minutes. More electronics destroyed, time to go as Forte meets up with Bubbly and Ta-Da. Only 5 minutes for the whole operations, dang.
Bubbly and Ta-Da get away, Forte goes to escape but gets hit by a car while distracted, and Jackalope is right upon her in moments. Telling her what happened because of her threat to FL, Clumsy's wife dying in front of her kids.
Jackalope, judging her without knowing her full story, you are treating her like a monster right now and it isn't right. And now jumping to conclusions, berating her, he needs to be reined in before he goes too far in search of "justice".“You really believe that? You've been in the city for what, a month? And you've managed to get two people killed so far. You personally put another one in a wheelchair for life. What do you think Clumsy is going to do, with three kids, a dead wife, and years of rehab in front of him?”
That hit home. Natalie remembered all too well what rehab was like. Learning how to walk on legs that weren’t hers, that never felt right. Dealing with phantom pain that had made her scream. Trying to do anything without a right hand.
Listing all the things she did, trying to scare her into believing she won't see the outside of prison until she is an old woman unless she takes Lolomi's deal. This doesn't sound like a superhero, this sounds like a government agent who cares more about the law over justice.
Community service for the rest of her life effectively, to a teenager that would probably sound as bad as jail, no freedom either way.“You'll be going to jail, but it will only be for a few years and it will be minimum security. You behave yourself, you'll have the option of finishing the rest of your sentence doing community service with the Phoenix Warriors creating devises for them and other heroes.”
Jackalope seems to get getting through to her. Crud, the thought of how others would see her if she loses her prosthetic limbs scares her more. Sun Hawk rushed to the fight, blaming herself for not remembering Forte sooner. Jackalope fighting Forte, striking her arms and legs to keep her off balance, the police keeping their distance. And Sun Hawk thinks she needs to take Forte down now.
Forte getting banged up, avoids Sun Hawk's ambush thanks to the crowd and needs to escape already. Please don't let her die.
Sun Hawk knows Forte is getting desperate and wants to keep the pressure on her, are you nuts!?! All those civilians around and you want to make her more desperate. Darn, tag-team by Jackalope and Sunhawk has Forte pinned by Jackalope now until she kicks him in the head with her leg. Sun Hawk struggles with Forte as she tries to subdue her and gets the worst of Forte instead. Calling her nuts, your deal would have taken away one of her arms and her legs, your intel was crap and you triggered her.
The right leg is off from kicking Jackalope, more heroes might show up, things are looking bad for Forte. Full nelson and fly into the air with her, over 100 feet in the air, Forte tells Sun Hawk to drop her as she doesn't think she has a future, but Sun Hawk says she won't kill her. Her plan to stop her fall was insane, I can't believe she survived that.
Forte is alive, prosthetics still work even if weakly, and a woman found her and called for an ambulance. But Forte doesn't wish to go to jail, threatens the woman, and forces her to take her to drive her away from the scene of the fight. Puts the owner to sleep after they drive into an alley and calls up Morris and Associates to come to get her. This is bad, she is severely hurt, two heroes are severely hurt if not dead, and Forte probably learned the wrong lessons from all this.
Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Lots to respond to tonight.
-I love empathic powers. I WILL abuse them and push them to their limits
-I also love smart villains. The Cannibal is very smart. (Before anyone worries about a villain-Sue, remember he's in my story. NO ONE gets out unscathed.)
-Forte has a theatrical side to her. If she can't do something for real, she's quite likely to bluff or outright lie to do it. It's why she's good with makeup and costumes.
-When Forte had trouble getting the Sonic metal, if she'd waited until there was more of it, like another week or two, it would have come out much more easily. It's mentioned that when there is a large amount of it, it cracks into two pieces that are easily taken out.
-Sorry the Bouncer is not from any one character. I just went with huge woman, 4 arms are a cool design.
-The Hungry Ghost is an interesting character, with a lot of history. It will be interesting exploring it.
-The Cannibal isn't invincible. He's just really, really tough.
-Triple Threat is actually really good at smash and grabs. Coming up with plans for other types of crime... lets just say they need work.
And Bubbly is cute.
-The little werewolf is going to be almost as much fun, if not more so, than The Cannibal.
-The superglue on hands to avoid fingerprints is pretty common. It doesn't look suspicious, won't tear like gloves, and is very effective.
-Jackalope scaring Forte with the consequences isn't a bad idea. And he's not far off with what will happen. All the sentences are straight from Arizona law. He wants her scared, so she'll be more likely to take the deal.
And why do people seem to think community service is slavery? People doing community service are allowed to live a normal life, but spend weekends or evenings doing work for the community. Most cases its picking up trash, for her it would be making devises.
She'd get a 'light' sentence, spend a few years in prison, and if she behaves, she gets to leave a few years early, and serve the remaining 3 to 5 years devising for the law on weekends.
He told her:
“You'll be going to jail, but it will only be for a few years and it will be minimum security. You behave yourself, you'll have the option of finishing the rest of your sentence doing community service with the Phoenix Warriors creating devises for them and other heroes.”
-Sun Hawk and Jackalope need to put Forte down. If she's desperate, don't ease up. Force her to make a mistake or wear her out.
They also had very little intelligence on her. So they have no idea she has prosthetics or that she has a phobia of losing them. They're doing the best they can with the info they have. As far as they know, she's an arms dealer who is willing to cripple people with a potentially deadly weapon. Not someone you want on the street.
-Oh man, I loved Forte's insane plan. I was thinking "How can she get out of a fight with the two heroes?" It took me a few days, and then I thought of that and got a BIG grin on my face.
Yeah it shouldn't have worked (technically it's possible, but it would require PERFECT timing, down to the nanosecond, and more luck than winning the lottery every week for a year.). Thankfully it's a superhero universe, so it was put in. And I still have her seriously F'd up.
The next story Outro is going to be fun as it deals with the fallout of all of this mayhem.
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A werewolf? Is his hair perfect?
Bluffing is bad as a supervillain, if Foot Long has called her bluff, then she would have every two bit criminal trying to run her over. Sure the A list villains can bluff, but they have the reputation and other powers to back it up.
Jackalope seems to need a better backup plan or associates. Twice now he has lost to Forte, and she is relying solely on her powers. He also doesn't realize how often he is actually finding Forte.
Looks like her cut is going straight to Doc Morris. I wonder if he treats heroes?
On her escape: If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid.
She really needs psychological help. Doc Morris was right about that.
Can't wait for more.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Normally I'd agree with you on bluffing, but Forte had taken apart their gang and broken Clumsy. If FL caught her bluff, she could just hunt him down and break him. Its a risk but manageable.
This is the reason Jackalope usually deals with street level crime. He can handle baseline criminals really well.
With Fortes escape, I went with rule of cool, in a semi realistic setting. It was cool, but OUCH!
Thanks for reading and the comments.
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