New? Arriving? (09 Aug 2021)
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Fire Over Phoenix
Fire Over Phoenix (Part 1)
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"Oh come on, I'm just visiting and asking the girls' parents a few questions. What could possibly go wrong?"
Thulia is not genre savvy
Micro scenes and bad ideas are freely adoptable
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Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Fire Over Phoenix Part 1 comments
Samantha Connor works for a FrankenCorp, now what do they do here, I wonder. Even criminal organizations have HR departments and annoying meetings with no purpose, ouch. Mr. Anderson, why does it feel like this place is one bad day from imploding? Mutant body parts for transplants, are they killing mutants? Oh good, no benefit to them yet. Talking about test subjects and mutant acquisitions, this guy makes me sick. Murderous scum, abducting mutants for this monstrous research.Monday, November 14th, Phoenix Arizona, a very secret base.
What! Mutant body parts except the brain are sold as food, these are human beings, you monsters! The live storage facility, okay, I hope these victims are rescued in time and this corporation is taken down hard. Okay, everyone in this organization needs to die.
Samantha going to talk to Anderson. *eyes turn red with rage* Foodies want body parts from a 12-year-old girl, their clients need to die as well. *dry heaves* Okay, I want to find this corporation and all of its branch offices and nuke them from orbit. Medical and needing a werewolf, what the hell, vivisection is not medical when it involves murder!
Faiza is out eating pizza with friends and in need of rest, Mandy and Alexa complaining about their younger siblings. Hhm, what power does Faiza have, curious now. Belly dancing class and her teacher Mary says she is late even though she is 5 minutes early, good grief.Thursday, November 17th, Chandler, Phoenix Metropolitan Area, After School
Moroccan folk song and dance like that, she has impressive skills do that even with a dull-bladed scimitar. Aww, and she was doing so well. Competitions for this type of dancing, must be highly competitive with the amount of skill and focus it takes.
Sardine meatballs, *winces* Babba, nice word for father. Older sister Layla, younger brother Rachid, interesting family. Mary Baker her dance teacher's full name, seems familiar.
13 and a were-fennec fox, Faiza's power is a surprise. Shrinks to 4'4" in were-fennec fox form, avoid Wondercute if you go to Whateley! This form has a lot of benefits, step on broken glass without any pain, when going without footwear that is extremely handy.Thursday, November 17th, Chandler, Phoenix Metropolitan Area, 11:30 pm
Faster and better stamina in this form too, I wonder how strong she is in this form compared to her as a human. She is a real superhero doing this work, especially getting that kid out of an abusive home. Uh oh, she saw Forte moving into her new hideout. Fanak, is that her codename for herself while in were-fennec form?
Desert Breeze Park and she is stealthy, plus the adage of people not looking up proves true once more. Uh oh, picking up a smell like that, don't tell me some couple is doing something in the park they shouldn't do in public.
Crud, the NO! and smell that Fanak is picking up, a date just turned to date rape and someone needs rescuing. Whoa, Fanak is very strong in this form to pull that guy out of the car the way she did, good job stopping this scum. And put the fear of a spell and the consequences of breaking it through future actions into this creep, good. Good, call the police with enough information to catch the guy, help out the girl, but not go after you as a vigilante. Wait for the police to show up, then leave, smart.
Iron Rain, you are the worst kind of scum and I hope you get what you deserve.
Ouch, wounds worse in her human form than in her were-fennec fox form. I hope no one sees through her cover-up and realizes she is injured. Oh brother, Monster Attacks Teen, they left out the context of that. I wonder if the girl she rescued even admitted to her boyfriend trying to rape her.Friday, November 18th, Chandler, Phoenix Metropolitan Area, Dawn
Faiza sits down to eat lunch with Mandy and Alexa only for Alexa to bring up the 'Chandler Monster', good grief.Chandler, Valley Middle School, Lunchtime
Huh, I wondered what classes she was taking. Ah, good, the police corrected the statements, saying she stopped an attack and want them to come in for a statement. Hehe, I like Alexa, she wants a superhero for their area. Ack! Don't put mental images like that into your friend's mind or mine.Her Babba had a student in his Spanish literature class who was dating The Mogollon Monster, an 8-foot-tall hairy mutant who was a member of the Phoenix Warriors.
Mandy's twin brother Randy is a mutant.Chandler, After School
Still handy for keeping things hot. Alexa and Mandy having to spell out the bad things about being a mutant to Faiza, yikes. Aww, no dancing competitively.“We thought something was weird all week, so my parents took him in for testing yesterday. He's a level 1 energizer, who can heat things with his hand. He can't boil water, just keep his hot chocolate hot, but he's got powers, how cool is that?”
Mandy is a goof, already dreaming about what powers she wants if she manifests.
*smirks* Mandy, that is not what being a supervillain is like. Mandy, you need to find a new source of living fantasies through than supervillains.“If I got to choose a power,” Alexa said, “I'd want to be a gadgeteer. School would be a breeze and I could make a fortune inventing things. What about you Fai?”
Good, Mary isn't too upset that Faiza just wants to dance for fun. D'oh! Should have known Mary would see her injuries. Bandaged up and ready to go, I hope she can keep her promise of thinking before doing something stupid again.Saturday, November 19th, Chandler Phoenix
Uh oh, going to check out Forte's hideout in your normal form during the day, Faiza, not smart. And now Forte is setting up a sleeper gun as a trap for her base, this won't end well.Chandler, Phoenix, Afternoon
Practice stalking shadier people of the night, young and cocky, I have a bad feeling about this. Quick reflexes and good stealth, I will give her that.Saturday, November 19th, Nighttime
Iron Rain watching Fanak, planning out how to abduct her. Able to track her over those great distances, still trying to figure out exactly what his power is.
With enhanced senses in this environment, I would be needing migraine strength headache medicine in minutes. Port shows up and Fanak knows who he is.
Now that is a hero, saving lives and rescuing people is what it is all about.Whenever there was a big emergency, like a fire or a bad crash, he'd show up using his teleporting power to rescue people and get the injured to the hospital in seconds.
No superheroing until you are 18, that sucks. A ball with gas to disorient her, and then a dart to her arm, another to her stomach, tranqs to knock her out. Run fast, but keep your head about you, Fanak!
You idiot, going after her without any information on her limits or abilities. Yet all he cares about is his payday, ugh. A warper who can shorten distances between locations, eep.She was tougher than he'd thought, most people would have collapsed from a single breath of Cuckoo Channel's Knock-Out #5. Running away after getting shot with the devised tranquilizer darts was impressive as hell.
Fanak is in bad shape, but still up and fighting. Keep going, girl. A flash-bang on someone with her senses, Iron Rain is a sadist. Refusing to die and focusing her senses she can pick up Iron Rain heading towards her. Great move escaping before IR could use the taser, Fanak knows to escape, live to fight another day.
IR's own methods have backfired against him and made Fanak's movements impossible to predict, good. Crud, he is going to come back with a team.
Faiza has to lie to her mother saying she is sick because of how much pain she is in. Bed all day, just what she needs right now. Ouch, loud noises when you feel bad, Faiza you need help before you get yourself killed or worse.Sunday morning, November 20th
Ditching her friends to go to Phoenix, not even fully recovered yet, what are you thinking, Faiza? No, don't go looking for IR, bad idea. Using herself as bait, buying different clothes to wear as Fanak, she is one stubborn kid. Taking photos of herself and going onto Para-Watch, let's hope IR hasn't gotten his team together already if he shows up.Monday afternoon, November 21st
Getting herself noticed, bet it is an H1! member who spat at her feet. Following police cars to an active crime scene. *facepalms* Crud, it is a fight between Forte and Jackalope. Brutal fighting from both, and don't you dare jump in to help Jackalope, would end up a liability right now. And Fanak picks up the familiar scent of the teenage girl who moved into the base beside her school.
Sun Hawk showing up, oh no, this is that fight. Jackalope is described as lifelessly hitting the ground, please say he isn't dead. Not able to tell if he is alive or dead, panic attack because of the attack Saturday happening to Fanak. She tries to follow Sun Hawk and Forte as they go into the sky, and yet Forte escaped even her quick arrival.
You are a young teenage girl in a situation that would be terrifying for even adults, don't beat yourself up about this. Learning to overcome your fear and still act in these situations is learned over time.“Stupid coward!” she snarled. “I should have helped! I was right there and I froze. Coward! You want to call yourself a hero and you act like this! Chelb!”
Jackalope going to recover, good. Darn it, stupid idiots flooding the police with calls about knowing where Forte is ruining the chance of the one girl who does being heard. In a foul mood for not helping despite not knowing how that would have turned out, tells her father nothing is wrong. *hits head on desk* Listen to your father, talk it out with your family and reveal you are a mutant already, they love you.Chandler, late evening
Boy, her Babba knows a lot about why people do evil.
The first one is harder to justify as evil if it is fear, either for your own safety or the safety of others, that holds you back. It is a primal emotion and can be hard to overcome in a moment. Vowing to take down Forte, uh oh.“And finally, evil is easy,” he said. “Doing nothing as others commit evil, lying to get out of work or punishment, allowing others to fail so you can succeed, it is an easy thing to do.
Creeping towards Forte's hideout, and Forte didn't lock the rooftop door, obvious trap alert. Down the stairs and into a short hallway, no obvious doors in the area, rats. She finds a way in using her sense of smell but gets knocked out.Monday 21st November, Chandler Phoenix Near Midnight
Waking up like that with no change to the wall, she got hit by the sleeper gun, shoot. Police showing up to an alarm at a supervillain's hideout, suspicious. At least Fanak got out of there, she needs another way to catch Forte.
Taking advantage of Sun Hawk being hospitalized to acquire people for their various projects. *eyes red like molten steel with fury* They are going after Azar Lopez tonight, that innocent little girl, these scum need to end up in the worst possible afterlife in existence.Tuesday 22nd November, Phoenix, Offices of Frankencorps, 10am
Azar checking out the scene of the battle yesterday and wanted signs of the fight for HeroWatch, oh boy. Ah, she wants signs of how Sun Hawk is really doing, understandable. They are going to grab her now, against these creeps I wouldn't hope back. Sebastian and El Scorpio, all this for a little girl, cowards.Tuesday 22nd November, Phoenix, early evening
A robbery like this, this is the distraction team. Scared by the supervillain's presence into behaving, this is extremely bad. And they still knock her out. Talk about her as an acquisition, Sebastion is happy about the bonus in his account. *computer screen would have melted if rage from glare was heat*
Fanak at the scene of the superhero battle looking for clues. Tracking the sweet smell and finds Azar who has a smokey smell to her as well. Distracted by the robbery momentarily, Fanak leaps into action upon Azar yelp in fear. Darn, license plate covered in mud and has to strip to change back and call 911. Let's hope it is enough to save Azar.Tuesday 22nd November, Phoenix, early evening.
All those details were given and the police don't believe Faiza, her father there, and no footage of Faiza on security cameras in the area since she was transformed. Arrgggh!Police Station, evening
Ugh, I can't stand this kind of behavior, no proof so she must be lying. Now Faiza feels like she is a failure, you did all you could, kid.They'd read her the riot act, threatened to charge her for lying to police, prank calling 911, and wasting their time, and she was grounded for the foreseeable future. Worst of all a girl was out there, kidnapped by a psychopath, and no one was looking for her.
Sophia Lopez upset at her husband, demanding to know what happened to their daughter. Poor Hassan was told by her friends what Azar had planned, but no sign of her. He is going out to try and find her, but they are both worried and expecting the worst.Tuesday 22nd November, An apartment in Phoenix, mid-evening
Hassan is back and has no report of Azar at all. Ah, Hassan is here illegally but doesn't care as long as they get Azar back safely.One Hour later
With what the Lopezs give to the police about Azar, plus what Faiza said to them about a kidnapping I hope they put 2 and 2 together. Instincts telling him they aren't telling him something, sharp guy, but I hope it doesn't cause any trouble for the Lopez family.
Thulia and Morgana discuss the trip Morgana is taking with Laura and her family. Thulia going home, seeing the Order so they check up on how things are with her, visiting family.Wednesday 23rd November, Whateley, The Quad, late morning.
Aww, Thulia has been on campus for a while at this point and they still haven't gotten to have any 'fun' together. Back by Saturday and gets to use the school portal, yay for not having to go through Canada again.Thulia giggled, then slipped close to whisper. "I wish you were more of a bad influence, but... maybe when we can get away from all the people watching us here?"
Morgana nodded, one hand 'accidentally' finding a way to give her girlfriend's bottom a quick squeeze. "We will. Just have to be patient."
Thulia helping with a course on portals in the Spring term, now that is an honor. Ms. Grimes certainly is a lot more friendly with Thulia now.Magic Department, Summoning Room
Crud, the Lopezs upset and think the police are useless after a day of hearing nothing about Azar.Wednesday 23rd November, an apartment in Phoenix, evening.
Don't tell me Hassan left his djinn brethren and now is going to them for aid in finding Azar.He shrugged. "So what? Yes, there might be repercussions, but what do those matter besides our daughter. And no matter what they think of me, they'll help when they find out it's about a child."
What is in the lockbox that is so dangerous? A drop of blood to open the box, dang.
Why does this sound ominous? Wait, the Plane of Fire!?! So he is a Djinn, just not powerful, and slacked off in his training.He'd just told her it was a last resort if for some reason he needed to give up hiding and tell his home he wanted help.
All that and more blood needed for the communication spell, ouch. Calling upon the Order for help in finding Azar, this FrankenCorp might be in ruins by the time they are through with it for abducting a child of one of their kind.
Thulia finished telling the Order about on things are with her, what she has learned, etc. Good grief, what kind of questions are they asking her that Thulia is too embarrassed to answer honestly?Thursday 24th November, The Plane of Fire, afternoon.
Going over academic stuff with Master Siveth, curious about what studies Ms. Grimes had considered helpful for Thulia, hhm. Thulia being brought in on the mission to find Azar and rescue her is good, I hope she gets to teach this organization a lesson.
Acolyte Grenstxaripotx is concerned, explaining about the Plane of Fire inhabitants already on Earth, their arrangement with them, etc. Oh boy, the parents noticed Azar being followed over the past few weeks, this organization is sloppy or arrogant. Thulia to visit the family and gather information, and Thulia tries to say she is just a student. Thulia, you are highly competent, skilled, and better in various matters than more than a few adults, don't sell yourself short.
So many good reasons to do this, still hasn't introduced her family to Morgana, oh bother. So quick to get her off on the mission, the Order works fast.
Not planning on getting into any trouble, Thulia. You are a Whateley Academy student now, trouble finds you no matter what.
Okay, Morgana needs to teach Thulia there are certain phrases to never say, or else you are just tempting fate to mess with you. That one is in the top 3."Oh come on, I'm just visiting and asking the girls' parents a few questions. What could possibly go wrong?"
Low profile and prepared just in case, wise, more students at Whateley need to learn to do this when off-campus. She is fully kitted out, I would love to have some of that gear. Tonto National Forest in Tortilla Flat, how far from Phoenix is that? And Thulia actually listens to her teachers and the staff about keeping a low profile, no wonder Ms. Grimes likes her, she actually obeys the rules!Friday 25th November, Plane of Fire, Early afternoon.
After a couple hours of walking and she still resists the urge to fly.
A fact often overlooked when it shouldn't be. Call the cab, a hungry Thulia is not something we want to see dealing with people.Just because she couldn't see anyone didn't mean someone couldn't see her, after all.
An actual jackalope, it is the Whateley Academy universe, should have known they exist.The only one that had looked interesting was a bunny-like creature with an impressive set of horns for its size, but she didn't see the need to hunt when she was close to a civilised source of food.
Oh boy, outfit not designed for serious hiking, she drew attention to herself without realizing it. The city of Gilbert.
I know that is an actual medical center, but I have to wonder if it was named after Bruce Banner. =P"Sure, shouldn't be a problem. There's a Marriot Hotel near the Banner Medical Centre, will that work for you?"
Thank You for the story comments appreciated and help me know they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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The Dance teacher is a wholly original character. My muse just really likes the name Mary for some reason. And she is devoted to dance and hard work, so she wants her students on the dance floor early. Still she won't do more then lightly scold someone for being late.
The sardine meatballs are pretty common in Morocco, being on the Mediterranean and Atlantic ocean a fair amount of fish is eaten. I read up on the culture and cuisine a fair bit before writing this.
When she's in her were-form, her bones and muscles are much denser, its why she shrinks. So she's not a brick, but she's got a surprising amount of strength.
Fanak is Arabic for Fox. It seemed appropriate.
Her cuts and bruises are just as bad in human and were form. She just didn't realize how bad they were because she was tired, still pumped up on adrenaline, and her bruised hand hadn't swollen up yet.
Iron Rain can not only shorten distances, he can create small tunnels through the air that change direction. As long as he can see the target, he can quite literally shoot around corners.
I was wondering when you'd realize that this story was just a few days before Forte's big fight.
Fanak's dad is a university professor who teaches Spanish, Arabic and North African Literature, and is well read with a lot of classics, he's put a lot of thought into themes, motivation and characters. Evil is an important aspect of literature, so he gave his cliff notes answer.
Rooftop doors legally need to be unlocked. If there's a fire and people can't get out downstairs, the rooftop is the safest place to wait for rescue, and you don't want someone to accidentally get trapped on the roof.
And Forte having the trap set to the normal security alarm isn't a bad idea. Police arrive, see an unconscious person who shouldn't be there, and no sign of a secret entrance, they'll arrest or remove the intruder.
With the police, Fanak didn't really have that much to tell them. A white van (very common), two license plate numbers, and a well known supervillain hiding in the back of the van. With no one else admitting to seeing it happen, and no proof she was even in the area, it doesn't look good for her.
She looks like a young teen wanting attention.
If Azar's parents had called in a report at about the same time, things would likely be different, but her story alone just wasn't believable. And after they assumed she was lying, her statement was either tossed or put into a file with her name on it in case she 'acted out' again.
Thanks as always for the comments. They're fun to read.
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- Astrodragon
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- Astrodragon
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Not done yet but
"Oh come on, I'm just visiting and asking the girls' parents a few questions. What could possibly go wrong?"
Thulia is not genre savvy
Well no, but why should she be?
Given time, Morgana and M3 will educate her, but right now she has glaring gaps in her knowledge of human culture
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Not done yet but
"Oh come on, I'm just visiting and asking the girls' parents a few questions. What could possibly go wrong?"
Thulia is not genre savvy
Well no, but why should she be?
Given time, Morgana and M3 will educate her, but right now she has glaring gaps in her knowledge of human culture
Well didn't she "study" a lot of anime and manga?
Micro scenes and bad ideas are freely adoptable
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- Astrodragon
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Not done yet but
"Oh come on, I'm just visiting and asking the girls' parents a few questions. What could possibly go wrong?"
Thulia is not genre savvy
Well no, but why should she be?
Given time, Morgana and M3 will educate her, but right now she has glaring gaps in her knowledge of human culture
Well didn't she "study" a lot of anime and manga?
She did, but she was mainly interested in how humans see demon and dragon girls looking, and what they wear
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FrankenCorp, I wonder if Meatloaf is on the menu. 🤔
I wonder what is on the picnic menu.
So what sort of powers does Fenek actually have? A werefennec? Avatar? Generic shifter?
She seems to have some resistance to drugs, but no Regen. Heightened strength and agility, senses, and a combination of both intelligence and foolishness.
What is it with characters with Iron in their name not being the sharpest knife in the set? If I were him, I wouldn't mention my first attempt to kidnap an unsuspecting 13 year old girl.
A frustrated Thulia is not going to be a good thing.
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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Since it won't spoil anything important, Fanak is a shifter. No avatar for her. And that's a pretty good assessment of her powers, especially the intelligence and foolishness.
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- null0trooper
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FrankenCorp, I wonder if Meatloaf is on the menu. 🤔
"Aw, Mom! Not Meat Loaf again?"
I wonder what is on the picnic menu.
"Picky, picky, picky."
"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."
"Kinky. But, it's not that kind of show!"
A frustrated Thulia is not going to be a good thing.
Or, it could be a wonderful thing. It all depends on your point of view and how far from ground zero you are.
"No Heroes" Part 5: Story link .
Story Discussion
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- Dan Formerly Domoviye
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FrankenCorp, I wonder if Meatloaf is on the menu. 🤔
"Aw, Mom! Not Meat Loaf again?"
"Hush up and be respectful. That's your brother you're talking about."
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- Astrodragon
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FrankenCorp, I wonder if Meatloaf is on the menu. 🤔
"Aw, Mom! Not Meat Loaf again?"
"Hush up and be respectful. That's your brother you're talking about."
"But Moooooom!! There's bits in it!"
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whateley.academy/index.php/read/story/fire-over-phoenix-part-2
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Micro scenes and bad ideas are freely adoptable
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